The feeling like you’ve been punched in the stomach and everyone is watching you double over in pain– that’s the feeling of knowing you’ve been lied to by someone significant in your life.
The worst part is that one lie changes everything; you may have built what you thought was a solid foundation of trust, but one lie makes it crumple like a piece of paper.
You question everything that person ever told you, every promise they ever made, and every time they denied something you asked them about.
The worst part is feeling like such an idiot and having the following questions reverberate through your brain: How could I not see the red flags? How did everyone else know but me? How could I be so gullible?
You realize that you took the jump, but even though that person said they’d jump with you, they just stood and watched you. The late night In-N-Out runs, the times they listened to you when you cried, and all the times you made each other laugh uncontrollably at stupid memes all turn dark in your memory because who were you laughing with? Who were you making those memories with? It’s difficult to come to terms with the fact that you never actually knew.
Your happy and colorful memories fade and are tainted by an uncertainty that clouds all aspects of your relationship. The doubt and distrust then transform the person you thought was the person you knew best in the world into someone who you don’t know any better than the stranger sitting next to you in your Math 1010 class.
But even though you feel stupid and broken, you shouldn’t feel bad for having believed them. You shouldn’t feel like the idiot – they were. Anyone who lies to someone who trusted them and gave their all to the relationship is the idiot. You believed in someone, you trusted them, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. There are so many people who go through life not trusting anyone, closing up their hearts, and only interacting with the world at an arm’s length. Being brave enough to be vulnerable is nothing to be ashamed of.
It’s hard to come to terms with the reality that your reality was anything but real…but when all the pain and shock of the burn is gone, you realize that there’s so much better out there for you. As cliché as it is, life goes on. It’s never fun to hear that, but it does. There’s someone out there who will tell you the truth even if it’s difficult, who will look you in the eyes when they say “I love you” and mean it, who would never cheat or think of leaving you. It’s cheesy, but you’ll find that. You deserve it.