Preparing for Spring Break 2k16? Flying somewhere? Going through the airport can be intimidating, confusing, and a downright sweaty experience. Whether you love to fly or dread it, we all have these 89 thoughts.
1. What is a terminal anyway?
2. How do I know which desk to go to..?
3. Ok, that one, she looks nice. Or looks like she won’t yell at me.
4. Wow, she was not nice. At all.
5. How are you wearing 6-inch heels at the airport right now? Seriously, lady, I don’t think that’s necessary.
6. Those could be used as weapon and did you not consider that at some point today you might have to actually jump from an aircraft today? Like, those could be a hazard to you and those around you and they could puncture your flotation device.
7. Who even has the time to put on 400 bangles before 8 am? I wonder if she just sleeps in them.
8. Dang, that’s a long line. I would hate to be in that line. Oh…that is my line. Great. Awesome.
9. Do I make eye contact with the security man as he checks my passport? What is less suspicious here? I mean, I have nothing to hide…
10. What do you mean I have to take off my shoes? My socks will not be white after this.
11. I bet Mrs. High maintenance is going to love that.
12. YES, I CAN HEAR YOU ABOUT THE LAPTOPS! I WILL TAKE IT OUT OF MY BAG.
13. My turn? I can go? No? No…
14. Ok, now?
15. *BEEP BEEP*
16. “Ma’am are you hiding a weapon inside your ear?”… Inside? Uh, do I look like the kind of person to hide a weapon inside of my ear? We’re lucky if a q-tip makes it inside.
17. Oh, I forgot to take out my earrings…ha…ha…
18. Random security check…yeah random…
19. Oh, good, more intimate eye contact. Look into these baby blues.
20. No liquid over two ounces? I just bought this water…it cost me $4.90.
21. I paid good money for this and I refuse to throw it awa—oh you are very intimidating, yes I’ll throw it away.
22. I see why they put you in this area. This is your element, Sir.
23. I bet I’m getting so many germs from walking around shoeless here. Can you say “hand, foot, and mouth disease”?
24. Listen. Pick up your pumps. Pick up your bangles. Pick up your giant purse. And move from the line. You can’t just stand here forever.
25. I don’t understand why I can’t have my water but I can have a 3-foot iPhone cord that I could choke someone to death with. Hypothetically, if I was into that.
26. RUN! OUT OF MY WAY! I’M GOING TO BE LATE. *Arrives 50 minutes early* *sweats profusely*
27. Seriously, what if my bag doesn’t make it and I have to wear they same underwear for a week?
28. What if I’m like Kris Jenner and someone goes through my bag and steals all my expensive stuff?!
29. Oh, wait. I don’t have any expensive stuff. Thank God for that.
30. Ugh, I should have just carried it on.
31. Whoa, that guy is the most amazing looking person I have ever seen ever.
32. It could be like a super cute love story where we meet on a plane and we switch iPhones and then we have to meet and exchange them and fall in love and get married!
33. How can that other guy have 4 carry on bags but I can’t have water?
34. I guess I could buy new water…
35. But it’s not about the water. It’s about the principle. Stay strong.
36. Why is he smelling his hand like that? He’s weird.
37. STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE RIGHT NOW.
38. Man, I have to pee. Maybe I’ll grab pizza too.
39. Oh, never mind, we are boarding.
40. I really have to pee.
41. “Now boarding all first class, valued customers, old people, young people, people with those people. People in the front, people in the back, people in all seats but yours…” …I totally could’ve peed.
42. Please just call my zone.
43. WOO, that’s me!
44. Please. Take your time.
45. There’s no way it’s going to fit, come on.
46. Oh, great. I’m in the middle seat. People are already sitting in my row. Ugh now I’m holding up the line.
47. Sorry I ever judged your slowness. I am a terrible person and I deserved to be punished.
48. Uh, why am I in the emergency exit? Like, I’m too uncoordinated for this but no pressure.
49. Ok. In my seat. Do I turn my phone off now? Or? I have to snapchat though…
50. I’ll turn it off.
51. Ok, I’ll just check it really quick.
52. How don’t they have cell service in planes yet.
53. I wonder who is sitting next to me… I hope it’s that hot guy.
54. I hope it’s not the weird guy.
55. Please, don’t be the weird guy.
56. Please, please, please!
57. It’s the weird guy.
58. Oh, seatbelt demonstration as if a trained monkey couldn’t do this.
59. I would hate to be a flight attendant.
60. Maybe I could go pee now… oh! Wow, that was abrupt we are ascending.
61. Wow, this butterfly feeling feels a lot like the urge to urinate…
62. Ooh, they sell wine. Do you think my fake ID would work?
63. Ok, what the actual f, put your shoes on.
64. This is a 2-hour flight. Short enough to leave them on but too long to smell your athletes foot the whole time.
65. Oh, we are featuring Cast Away with Tom Hanks on this flight.
66. That’s ironic…
67. Is it worth $1.99 a minute to watch Star Wars instead?
68. So, she can have a crochet needle and I can’t have a bottle of water.
69. Why do people on planes feel the need to share every detail of their life story?
70. Time for headphones. Goodbye.
71. I wonder who sat here before me?
72. “Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened while we experience some minor turbulence”
73. Ok, I wouldn’t call this “minor.”
74. And I wouldn’t call this an “experience” either.
75. What if this plane actually crashed?
76. Nobody would survive not because of the plummeting out of the sky but because the stilettos would create a battle zone.
77. Eh we could just push her out first. Not let her use the slide. I am in charge of the emergency exit after all.
78. My butt is so numb.
79. Oh, finally preparing to land.
80. Why didn’t they serve food?
81. I should look into first class.
82. Ok, on the ground. Let’s whip out the cell phone and see how many texts I don’t have.
83. OOH! I have one!
84. “mom” …haha..hah
85. Why does everyone stand up at the same time and think that they are the VIP of this flight?
86. Where do I go now?
87. Ok, I’ll just follow these people and maybe get to the baggage claim.
88. What if I was abducted like in the movie taken?
89. I would totally survive.
Though these thoughts are inevitable the so-called “experience”, is worth it once you get to that sunny destination.