Most people love spending time with their significant other and don’t get me wrong, I do too, but I also enjoy it when he is away. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months and since we both go to the same school, live near each other, and have mutual friends, we get our fair share of each other. My boyfriend recently took a trip to Michigan to visit his family, and I realized that I was not sad to spend time apart from him. I enjoyed being able to do everything I want, when I want, without having to compromise for anyone.
The best relationships are not the ones where they spend every minute together, they are the ones where you can be yourself in someone else’s life. I want my significant other to love me for being me, not because they have to be with me so they can survive. Everyone wants a perfect fairy-tale romance, but real relationships are not always dinner dates and cute instagram captions. It takes work, communication, and even distance because like people say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. If our relationship is going to work, we need to learn to want each other, not need each other.
The difference between wanting and needing was the biggest lesson I learned this summer, since my boyfriend was away in Michigan for 5 weeks. I learned that I can do everything by myself; I am a strong independent woman. I can drive myself; I can work; I can do homework; I can exercise; I can achieve everything that I hope to without anyone’s help. Having self empowerment is one of the strongest things you can have, and that confidence radiates in people as true happiness. Neither girls or guys should never feel sad or worthless when they are not with their significant other; no one deserves to be arm candy when they can be the main event. Your happiness should never be dependent on someone else’s presence in your life. I learned only to rely on myself and focus on my well being which is the best thing that happened for me.
As I learned about needs and wants in school, needs were always food, clothes, and shelters. Wants are everything else I could think of. What some girls do is classify “significant other” under needs by relying on his presence for survival. For example, they can only go places that he goes to, they financially rely on him for food and housing, and they spend their day prioritizing him. Everyone wants to make their lover happy but should never forget that their own happiness comes first. If you cannot support and love yourself, then how can you do it for someone else?
But don’t get me wrong, I missed him too. I was the first person at the airport waiting for him to get off the plane. I was smiling uncontrollably when I saw him and could not wait to hug him. The whole time he was away, I never once felt like I did not want to be his girlfriend. I felt like I wanted to be more than just a girlfriend. I did not want to be labeled as a “dependent,” I wanted to be a “girlboss.” I never stopped loving him nor loved him any less; I just loved myself a little more.
I may have spent the week in my own empowered mindset, but when I see him my heart does skip a beat because I am seeing the one I want. This time apart shows us both that we do not need each other to survive; we do not need each other to be happy; we do not need to each other to do anything, but we want each other in our lives. I want to call him after a long day and tell him everything that happened, I want to be his biggest supporter, and I want to love him because I can. I can be independent; I can be a girlfriend; and I can be me.
HCxoxo,
Hannah Murphy