In the coming of age story that is my life, I am the angsty wide-eyed protagonist and social media is the morally grey character who keeps me on my toes.
She’s a Libra who gives great fashion advice and enjoys poking at all of my insecurities. She is my closest, most toxic friend. I don’t like her and I have an overwhelming urge to ghost her, but I never go through with it because she can be pretty cool sometimes.
To me, living in the new digital age as a young adult is a matter of unprecedented simplexity. Social media makes everything easier–networking, finding jobs, keeping up with friends and family, and creating safe spaces for marginalized groups. But lately, I’ve noticed that unregulated use becomes less fun and more harrowing.
The story of social media and me is full of complicated emotions. It’s confusing, to the point where I’ve convinced myself it’s unexplainable unless I put you in my shoes. Consider this:
Your Instagram shows you always having the time of your life, but you’re not. Hardly even sometimes. You love the friends you’ve made through Twitter but at the same time, you don’t actually trust any of them, do you?
You’re in control of what you see and what you post. Or are you? Everyone is throwing stones from a glasshouse. You feel so old, but you’re not old at all. Everyone can see you, but no one knows the real you.
Life goes on outside of the internet, and yet yours stops if it’s not coded in ones and zeros; because who are you without the branding of social media, really?
I’ve thought of everything social media has given to me. Long-distance friendships. Inspiration and education. Love stories and stock market hacks told through subreddit threads. The burning of medieval cathedrals and police precincts in real-time. History through a screen. And she has so much more to offer. With her, I have access to the world and all of its nuances at my fingertips.
But even so, I can’t help but wonder, are we built for this? To consume this much creation and destruction, beauty and horror, happiness and anger, and revolution all at once?
And that’s when the rose-colored glasses finally come off. because I don’t think I am built for this after all; to bear witness to all of the world’s affairs. To overshare with strangers on the internet who don’t know anything about me. To constantly feel like what I’m doing isn’t enough. To feel like I’m running out of time when, in reality, I’m only twenty-one and I have all the time in the world.
Coming of age online shouldn’t have to be a double-edged sword. Finding that middle ground where happy, healthy, and online co-exists is something I am still trying to figure out.