It really is not all men. Not all men are violent, not all men are predatory, not all men are like that.
Okay. A few disclaimers here. I understand that the majority of women who claim that all men are inclined to rape, cheat, or hit are doing so as a trauma response; it is often an attempt to protect oneself from having to face violent men in the future. I am also aware that when most women say this, they are being hyperbolic. I have so many times seen a woman online claim that all men are “evil”, just to click her profile to see a highlight of her boyfriend. However, responding with “not all men” when women are describing a pattern of behavior that they have noticed in men, or a woman is recounting a trauma caused by a man is wrong, unproductive, dodges accountability, and is, obviously, gross. Finally, all men benefit from the patriarchy and the oppression of women, and I will never claim otherwise.Â
This is directed toward the women who truly, in their heart of hearts, believe that it is part of a man’s nature to be violent or to always have sexual intentions toward a woman. I am writing to the women who believe that men will never see them as their equal, only as an object. Most women who believe this call themselves feminists to some extent, which I find to be interesting, since the notion that all men are violent, sexual brutes is also one held by the vast majority of misogynistic men.
I mean, how often do you see a man making a post online in defending a woman or spreading feminist ideologies, just for the comments to be filled with other men saying “she’s not gonna let you hit bro”? For me personally, it’s all the time.
Misogynistic men constantly find ways to make it seem like another man respecting a woman is an emasculate act (think of the term “simp”), or an act done in hopes of receiving a sexual favor. Furthermore, how often is it that a misogynistic man refuses to “allow” the woman he is dating to be friends with any men whatsoever, even the ones she was friends with before they even met, simply because he “knows how other guys think”. No, Steve, that’s how YOU think. And this phrase often reads less like overprotectiveness and more like an entrapment technique. To me, this phrase can be translated to “No, babe, don’t spend time with any other guys, I don’t want you to realize that they’re not all like me. Misogynist Steve.”
It is important to reiterate that gender has nothing to do with biology. There is nothing in a man’s genes that make him more inclined to manipulate women. A man believing he is allowed to manipulate women is just that, a belief. A disgusting, widely held, violent belief. But it is important to make that distinction, that men being statistically more inclined to be violent towards women is a societal issue, and is in no way a biological one. All of this to say, men cannot be born with an intrinsic desire to hurt women.
Apart from the grossly apparent gender essentialist overtones, isn’t claiming that violence is part of men’s inherent nature just a faux-feminist way of saying “boys will be boys”? By implying that violence against women is part of a man’s nature, are we not then absolving men of accountability?Â
All of this to say, no, it’s not all men. And the men who are like that (and there are way more like that than can ever be justified or coddled) should know this. They should feel ostracized; they should know that they are not welcome. And to the man-fearing, and sometimes man-hating woman reading this, I understand you. I often am you. But I urge you to not allow men to allow the bar to sink further into Hell than it already is. Men are fully capable of being better, and we need to start holding them to a much much higher standard.Â