At the center of society, there are men. It seems as if everything nowadays is centered around men, from hygiene products, to exercising, to even the structure of our workday. It can be hard to feel like we are living for ourselves, and out of the glaring perception of the male gaze. When I was a teenager, I found myself looking at myself, my body, and my identity through the eyes of a man. Would this perfume smell catch his attention? Does this outfit accentuate my curves? Do I look unapproachable without makeup? Half of the time, I didn’t even know who the “he” I was addressing was! I just knew that the wrong move could have me labeled as undesirable and unattractive. But why does my worth revolve around anyone other than myself?
It was hard for me to distinguish what the “Male Gaze” even was. I would watch videos on the internet and it described habits like shaving, doing makeup, or dressing a certain way as male centered. At first, I agreed vehemently. I mean, who really benefits if I’m shaved from head to toe? Technically, it didn’t change the trajectory of my day. Yet the more I began to limit these practices, I realized that some of these tasks were just things that made me happy. The ritual of doing makeup made me smile, even if nobody saw me. Putting on a fitted dress made me feel confident; I like seeing my own body too. Smooth legs make me feel like I’m taking care of my body. Most of these “male centered” activities were things that just made me feel like myself.
So how did these actions get labeled as a performative chore? I think it all goes back to what society as a whole values: men. We are taught that what they value is what matters most. So we try to take that power from them. Yet, by doing so, we also take a bit of power from ourselves.
I’m not saying that every girl has to like the same rituals I do. The choice to do makeup, blowout your hair, lay your edges, or have your nails done is yours alone. It should be a decision you make for one person only: yourself. The only way to avoid living for men is to do whatever the hell you want to do. Every girl is different, and that’s what makes us so valuable. Don’t let your values be labeled as “for men,” if you are doing it for yourself, but also don’t let men’s judgement stop you from trying something new, whimsical, or weird.
Even after years of working on doing things for me, I still find myself thinking of how a man has perceived me after an event. Though, I never stop trying new things. Some days I want to wear a crop top and jeans that fit right at my hip, and other days I want to wear funky tights and blue eye shadow. This life is yours alone, and you should be at the center. The pressure to conform is strong, but your identity is stronger. Be a woman in whatever way that means to you.