It’s been three weeks and you and your significant other are head over heels for each other with a natural high of happiness! Is this love? Heidi Petracco, intake counselor at USF Counseling, would say you and your significant other could just be having a “chemical reaction.” In college, we get lost in lust and a hyperactive group of endorphins are confused for love. So what is college dating really about?
Petracco hosted a workshop titled ‘To Be or Not to Be?’ A Healthy Relationship is the Question. The program centered on the theme of knowing yourself. “A relationship is only as healthy as the individuals in it,” explained Petracco. To find out if we are healthy and thus, if we are in healthy relationships, there a few key questions to tap into: What do I want? What is my type? What are my values?
It’s okay to not know the answers, but realize they are wise to explore. The first step is deciding what kind of relationship you want. Straight/Gay/Exploring, “hooking up”, short-term vs. long-term, online, long distance – the options are endless. That is just step one. Once you know what kind of relationship you want, Petracco discussed that we can’t forget to COMMUNICATE. Don’t expect your significant other to read your mind (progress report: a mind reader has not and will not be invented).
Okay, cool, so a relationship ideal has been filtered. What is your type? Tall dark and handsome, but what else? Your type should be someone compatible. Common interests, values and traditions are very important along with an understanding of the differences if opposites attract. Individuals at the workshop took time to fill out a sheet titled “My View of the World”, which listed various core values including love, friendship, trust, honesty, fun and more. This had the attendees asking themselves which values were most important to find common ground with in a partner.
Red flags were mentioned in the beginning, which we forget to look for in a relationship. Many problems within a relationship are problems that were always there but never addressed. Do you ever feel guilty about having your own friends and own interests? Do you feel pressured to spend time with your boyfriend/girlfriend when you’d rather be doing something else? These are among many common red flags that lead to unhealthy relationships.
College statistics in a 2010 surveying students between ages 18-29 showed that 38% have experienced at least one of the following in a dating relationship: controlling behavior, verbal abuse, abuse via technology, physical/sexual abuse and being pressured into drinking alcohol and using drugs. But don’t fear! You CAN have healthy relationships! The Center for Victims Advocacy and Violence Prevention, Counseling Center and Student Rights and Responsible are available to USF students.
If you’re still unsure about your relationship, here is what HEALTHY stands for:
H – Honesty and trust are essential building blocks to a successful and meaningful relationship.
E – Equality is respecting the fact you both count, both of your values, interests, ideals and traditions are important.
A – Acceptance. Accepting your partner as they are, for their strengths and weaknesses.
L– Listening. Communicating and paying attention to your partners thoughts and feelings.
T – Time together. Making time together without distractions.
H- Honor. Holding each other in high esteem, respecting and considering each other’s needs.
Y- ‘Yes’ you both care and ‘yes’ you both are committed to making the relationship work.
A list of available workshops and services for USF counseling can be found at www.usf.edu/counsel.