I don’t think there was anything I could have done to prepare myself for being a transfer student. That truly means a lot coming from me. I searched and studied almost everything before moving here. I looked for an on-campus apartment and was lucky to find a room that was open in the building I wanted. They had multiple clubs and organizations that involved writing, which caught my eye. Oddly enough, I had a sense of confidence that I would make my way, one step at a time. I mean, I am making my way. I hadn’t fully processed the big transition until I got here.
I lived and studied in a small town named Palatka, Florida, before coming to USF. It’s the type of town where everything is at most a 10-minute ride away. It’s where you have to look over your shoulder twice before gossiping to make sure a family member of the person you’re talking about isn’t around. You can, fortunately (or unfortunately), be reunited with a childhood best friend at the local Walmart. At first, I found this weird since I was originally born and raised in Jacksonville. However, just like learning how to ride a bike or swim, the accessibility became routine in my body. I miss not having to put much effort into meeting other people. It’s a lot easier to make friends when you’re most likely to have a class with at least one of your friends’ cousins. Luckily, my roommates have been lovely and inclusive. Yet I still struggle socially. I run out of words to say and get overwhelmed by meeting people constantly. I tend to feel like a toy that has been misplaced. The one place that hasn’t caused me to feel this way is my literature class.
My professor, Dr. Kurz, is encouraging and truly believes in our abilities as students. She validates our ideas and conclusions, even when we are hesitant ourselves. My class is currently reading The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson. There’s one quote from the book that has been circling in my head since I read it the first time: “They all were silent, looking into the fire, lazy after several journeys, and Eleanor thought, I am a fourth person in this room; I am one of them; I belong.” Just like the character Eleanor, I have been searching for the feeling of belonging these past three weeks. I am in need of grounding, somewhere to place my feet. I felt alone in these feelings before reading the quote. However, I’ve now realized that I was never alone in having a craving for a sense of belonging. It’s natural for us to want to feel included in our communities. This is not a feeling only reserved for transfer students, but for all kinds of students. The real question is: How will we let these feelings define our experiences as students?
So far, I have started to find ways to decrease this sense of loneliness. I have been meeting and connecting with other transfer students. It feels nice to be able to talk to others who have a similar experience. We laugh about getting lost on our way to classes. We eat dinner together and talk about our experiences at community college. It makes you not feel like the odd one out for once! I also have designated alone time in my schedule. Putting yourself out there is important, but taking time for yourself is important as well. Don’t feel pressured to say yes to every social event. You can take your time to grow friendships and decide who you vibe with—or don’t vibe with—socially. Every day, I build wonderful memories with my roommates and their friends through everyday interactions, from The Summer I Turned Pretty watch parties to casual sit-down conversations. All of those moments help develop relationships over time. You don’t have to overcomplicate these interactions.
I also started to stay in touch with the activities and people I love. Making time to read and call family members has decreased my anxious feelings about college. It gives my nervous system some time to regulate. It can also bring lots of comfort to hear or read kind words at the end of a hard day. Lastly, it’s important to remember that this is just the beginning of the school year. You have so much more time to adjust and find your path. Be sure to have compassion for yourself as you adjust to this new era in your life. Music has brought great comfort into my life, so I want to leave a song for anyone who can relate to me and the weird growing pains that come with change.