I never really understood the concept of finding yourself. What does that mean? How do you do that? Well, I figured it out. For the first time in my life, I’ve accepted things for what they are; I let go of the need for control. The beauty of life is letting it take us wherever we need to go because, in reality, we don’t have control over our lives. We have control over our attitudes, habits, and our reactions to what life throws at us. And this is something I learned in August.
I’m starting to learn how to change my perception. Which is something I’ve needed to work on for a while because, well, that’s where a lot of anxiety comes from. It clicked for me when studying for one of my psychology courses that instead of seeing an ambulance as something bad and someone had an accident, you can see the ambulance as a sign that someone is getting the help they need. When talking to a friend, I’m optimistic, but when I talk to myself, I’m very pessimistic. Another example, instead of telling yourself that you’re going to fail a test and you didn’t study enough, trust yourself and tell yourself this is your opportunity to show how smart you are. It’s all about changing the lens you’re looking through.
Another lesson, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. I say this about friendships because it might be nice to think about both sides but what if this is an exhausting friendship, or the friend involved doesn’t meet you halfway or put in the same effort as you? You have every right to take a step back, do your own thing, and not explain it to anyone. Honestly, if you feel drained by a friendship, test it out. Stop texting them. See if they reach out or if you grow apart. I stopped reaching out and texting people. It’s exhausting to stay connected and keep in touch. In August, I was able to take time for myself. I stopped invalidating my feelings to be there for someone else. I learned to not push myself aside to help someone else, that is not my job. My only job is to take care of myself and make sure I’m okay.
As I mentioned before, I let go of the desire for control. I have never been so happy and at peace. For once, I’m not thinking about the future, I’m just focusing on what I need to do at the moment. You can’t expect to do well on an exam unless you start studying today! And everything seems to be working out perfectly. And it’s not the feeling where so many good things are happening that I feel something bad is going to happen almost like, “what’s the catch.” Nope, good things keep happening and I’m not questioning it. I stopped fighting things. If they weren’t meant to be… they weren’t meant to be! Things happen when you let them happen, don’t interfere, just accept.
I learned so much in August, I could not be more thankful. I let go of the “need” to check up on everyone and be there for them. Why bother when they don’t do the same in return? Now, all that energy goes into the one person that is always there for me… me.