All About the Pre D*ck Jitters

Picture this. You met a guy. He’s hot as shit. Your phone buzzes at 1am. It’s him typing. His Bitmoji is floating on the screen and three seconds later a message pops up.

--”wyd”--

You’re hanging out with some of your friends or maybe you’re just by yourself but you know damn well what he means by that. You change into leggings and a t-shirt, throw your hair up and put a little bit of mascara on and next thing you know you’re out the door. The GPS says 5min away and that’s when it hits you. The dreaded pre d*ck jitters. If some of you are unfamiliar with PDJ (Pre D*ck Jitters), it’s basically a condition that I named myself even though other people probably call it that too so don’t yell at me, but to break it down for you, it’s the intense anxiety you get right before a d*ck appointment. But it’s not the type of anxiety you get before a roller coaster or an exam, it’s the type that destroys all emotional and physical stability you have in that very moment, forcing you to regret your decision. And doesn’t necessarily need to be with someone new. I used to drive down the highway at 2am to a d*ck appointment that I had like  3 times a week, but literally every single time I made my way to his place, I felt like I wanted to cry and vomit and turn the car around. Everyone gets like this, and If you don’t, I hate you, but for those who do, I’m here to help us all get through this.

So per usual I had to do some research as an expert like me always does. When I looked up multiple different google searches of anxiety before sex, I found out that they were all linked to men. The problem is, us as girls tend to get insecure and nervous about sex and hooking up, whether or not it’s your first time. It’s a natural thing to do. Your body is physically reacting to you freaking out because you’re scared. And even though there’s usually nothing to be scared of, you still get the same pit in your stomach right before you send that “I'm here” text. But for guys, it’s actually a real problem. Usually we expect them to be totally cool and confident but apparently they aren’t. And if they let their anxiety get the best of them, it could potentially ruin both of your nights because he won’t be able to #getthatsh*tup. But I know what you’re thinking. Leila, he’s so hot and he’s going to think I'm ugly and I'm going to be so awkward even though I've done this before I’m still so intimidated by him and I don’t really care that he’s having anxiety because I'm freaking tout and I don’t think I should go anymore. Thankfully, I had reached out to a bunch of people and almost all girls experience the same thing prior to going over to a guys place. There were a few different coping mechanisms which I will share with you (but I don’t condone all of these behaviors so please do whatever makes you feel comfortable).

The first one which I heard a lot of was drinking/smoking. And look, I know that being under the influence while doing things that require consent and all that is risky, and I’m not saying you should blackout either because then you won’t even be able to do anything and that’s just a bad idea and no one should ever go out to hang out with a guy like that, but sometimes a little bit of liquid confidence may help you feel more of a bad b*tch that you already are. Same with smoking. Some people get high before sex because maybe it feels better or maybe just to settle their nerves, but either way, these strategies may work for you, but make sure you do it in moderation. Also please just Uber there don’t be stupid.

The next one applies to when you’re out with a group of friends. There’s nothing better than having your girls gas you up and tell you to go and hang out with him because you’re amazing. Within the group of girls, there’s generally two categories your friends fall in; aggressive love and supportive love. Both are amazing but be prepared for both because your aggressively loving friends will grab you and scream in your face “you’re beautiful go hang out with him right now stop overthinking” and most likely will shove you out the door. On the other hand, your supportively loving friends will calmly gas you up even while you express your concerns and anxiety, but still find a way to convince you that you’re a baddie and to do whatever makes you feel comfortable. 

And the last one, as cheesy as it may sound, you need to hype yourself up. I would be lying if I said I never spoke to myself out loud and had a full on conversation in my car. I recently had some pretty bad PDJ and this is pretty much how it went down so enjoy.

“Why am I having anxiety”

“I’m so nervous”

“I feel like I want to throw up”

**Calls Mom**

“Why am I calling my mom at 3am you’re fine”

**Hangs up before she picks up**

“Omg I’m five minutes away”

“Okay okay I’m okay I’m all good everything is good”

“What if he’s not as hot in person”

“What if he thinks I’m ugly… omg I’m ugly”

“I’m gonna get pulled over”

“If I get pulled over I’m going to cry to the officer. Maybe I’ll get a ticket and then I can go home”

“what is good with me I’ve done this  a million times”

“I'm tired, maybe I should go home.”

“Wait but what if I regret not going”

“I’m going”

“Im good”

“I think”

“I’m here and I’m sweating”

“Okay breathe… you’re fine. Everything is going to be great. Just cuddle with him or something and then you won’t feel scared and then you’re good to go. Okay. I’m good. You got this.”

Yes. This actually occurred recently and I know I sound mental but literally talking to myself distracted me for a bit and by the time I got inside and was with him, I felt totally normal. All I can say about PDJ is that it’s normal. Whether you have friends or tequila or you’re just by yourself, always remember that you are a bad bitch. The PDJ you have will probably happen a million times over for the rest of your life, but take a deep breathe and know that watching the office in his bed along with a good sex sesh is nothing to be nervous about. Do whatever makes you happy and carpe diem.