Emotional invalidation occurs when someone’s feelings—whether your own or someone else’s—are dismissed, rejected, or denied, often sending the message that those emotions are wrong, exaggerated, or unimportant. Minimizing or invalidating feelings happens far more often than we realize, to the point where it has become normalized and rarely recognized as a problem.
“Don’t dismiss, invalidate or minimize someone else’ experiences or feelings just because you don’t understand them. People’s feelings are real and they matter, whether we
understand them or not.”
-Lauren Faulk
Common examples include phrases like “You’re overreacting,” “It’s not a big deal,” “Just get over it,” “You’re too sensitive,” “You shouldn’t feel that way,” “Look on the bright side,” or “It could be worse.” These phrases are deeply rooted in our everyday language and are often used without considering how harmful they can be. What makes this even more detrimental is that we don’t just direct these statements toward others—we also turn them inward, invalidating our own emotional experiences and harming ourselves.
Invalidating our own feelings is often learned through family, cultural, and educational environments. From early childhood, many people grow up in spaces where emotions are dismissed, criticized, or ignored. Over time, this teaches individuals to internalize the belief that their feelings are wrong, foolish, or unimportant. Culture also plays a significant role, especially in environments where emotional expression is seen as weakness and emotional suppression is praised as strength. This idea is also present in educational environments, where dismissing students’ emotions can reduce engagement and participation in class. Increased stress from feeling invalidated impairs cognitive functions such as memory, focus, and information processing. Rather than expressing their needs, students may withdraw, act out, or display anger when their feelings are ignored. Over time, this can damage trust in student-teacher relationships and contribute to academic decline.
This invalidation is not always intentional or malicious. In many cases, people minimize emotions—both their own and others’—without realizing they are doing it. For example, discomfort with emotions can lead some individuals to shut out their feelings entirely. When people are never taught how to sit with uncomfortable emotions, they may respond by dismissing them rather than processing them.
Although minimizing emotions can function as a short-term survival mechanism—helping individuals avoid shame, discomfort, or further rejection—it often leads to long-term emotional consequences. These can include emotional suppression, self-distrust, distress, and mental health challenges such as anxiety or depression. Unfortunately, many unhealthy coping strategies learned in childhood persist into adulthood, reinforcing the belief that suppressing or invalidating emotions is “normal” or even necessary. Instead of dismissing or minimizing our emotions, we should aim to validate and acknowledge them, recognizing that they are authentic responses to our experiences. Validation does not mean exaggerating pain or victimizing ourselves—it means allowing emotions to exist without judgment. Learning to listen to your emotions with compassion is a form of emotional self-care, not weakness. And if this pattern resonates with you, breaking the cycle matters: honor your feelings and avoid passing emotional invalidation on to others.
“Don’t let anyone invalidate or minimize how you feel. If you feel something, you feel it, and it’s real to you. Nothing anyone says has the power to invalidate that, ever. No one else lives in your body. No one else sees life through your eyes. No one else has lived through your experiences. And so, no one else has the right to dictate or judge how you feel. Your feelings are important, and you deserve to be heard. They are inherently valid, and they matter. Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise.”
-Daniell Koepke