Throughout a lot of feminist and queer circles and as well in the more academic settings, a central topic that gets brought up and discussed every now and then is the topic of the power dynamics, the discussion of patriarchy, and the male gaze. This essay by Asa Seresin “On Hetero Pessimism” talks about the relation women have towards how their attraction to men, and how this attraction shapes a sense of shame in their sexuality.The quote, “heterosexuality always embarrasses me,”used here as the hook of Seresin’s essay brings up a few ideas to mind. Before one gets too deep into the discussion of hetero fatalism it should be defined.
Hetero fatalism according to Seresin consists of demonstrations of disaffiliation with the identity of heterosexuality, it is usually expressed through regret, shame, embarrassment or hopelessness and it focuses on men as the root problem that creates these sensations in people that happened to be attracted to them. The central idea of hetero fatalism is the dread of male attraction. The concept has been on my mind as the need for safe space for women is being discussed on Campus, as women associations are starting to work together to fight the patriarchal ways. As women time and time again become disappointed in our male peers’ performance, either as close partners and dear ones or those we thought were friends.
This sense of dread also came over me and other peers as the efforts to educate men in workshops over the patriarchy, and how a toxic masculinity affects them as well and maybe even to a worst degree. It seemed to not work as effectively as we wanted, met with resistant and persistent questions that in hindsight were disingenuous. It is entirely scary, as the hopelessness of hetero fatalism becomes apparent. To try to reach out and be met with this type of behavior would leave anyone with these awful feelings.
Perhaps one has felt this way all their lives and had never gotten to put a word to it or didn’t think it’d had one. When something is named, then it is known. Maybe more changes to this phenomenon can be made but those changes also need to come from the other side, from men. Whether l they do the change that is required to make the lives of their peers all that much easier remains to be seen.