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Sex + Relationships

Today’s Advice: Why Being Scared of Commitment is Alright

What makes us so insecure to dive right in when it comes to relationships? Could it be the fact that millennials have shown less desire to be committed? There may be a lot of reasons as to why we fear commitment, so I made it my mission to point these out because reading these may help you realize they may apply to your life and find a way to overcome them.


We do not want to be hurt, perhaps because of previous experiences.

And that's totally normal, but we shouldn’t restrict our happiness because of bad mishaps. We should always be looking forward to moving on and getting better. This, obviously, isn’t accomplished in one day because it takes time to flourish and be happier. Don't force yourself to feel a certain way! It’s okay to feel sad and unmotivated, but keep in mind that you should not stay in the slump—try to get better.

We aren’t ready for the amount of responsibility a relationship requires.

Relationships and friendships are like plants. You need to water them in order for them to grow. Not everybody is ready for that or even has the time to invest in the relationship. It's certainly a very valid reason. But, as much as I support self-love and being content with being by yourself, it is very important to share our love and experiences with others. It helps us grow. Not only that, helping others is a greatly gratifying experience.


Self-love comes first.

Self-love is also a good reason; sometimes we like to focus a little more on ourselves. In a way, we like to be a little selfish, and that's not wrong. If you feel like you aren’t prepared to love somebody else because you are not done nourishing yourself, especially after a breakup, that's valid. But remember, sharing is caring.



You may feel inexperienced.

Perhaps it's not your first time being physically or romantically involved with someone, but it may be your first time with someone specific, either of your same sex or the opposite. You may feel like you do not know enough about being involved sentimentally or sexually with someone, therefore, raising this fear of being too inexperienced. My advice is to always talk it out with that person—it's not wrong to express what you really think and feel. They will understand, and if they don't thank u, next.



You are not completely over your ex

Been there, done that. I totally understand and many others will too. It is only natural that if you truly love and care about somebody, they will stay on your mind (if they don’t, that’s fine too), but this leads me to the first point, “don’t restrict yourself from happiness because of a bad experience.” Getting over an ex is not easy. It might be for some, but for the most part, it hurts and makes us angry, depressed even. Try to get over them, move on to happier ground. Do not force yourself but at least try. The past is in the past. Take that previous relationship as a learning experience and a push to grow.


Maybe you’re waiting for someone

Most of us, maybe all, have had that crush on one of our friends. We’ve seen them dive into this relationship or this crush-ship, and you’re cheering them on from the sidelines, but oh how you wish that was you. That is normal and super relatable! We tend to be their shoulder to cry on, secretly hoping that they see that you are right there, in front of them.

You see them go through nasty breakups, and you help them and see them suffer and you suffer with them. Yet you keep quiet wishing they could see that you’ve been there all along. Remember, don't let them keep you from seeing the wonders of humanity. There are so many people out there that can make you happier. I’m not saying you should give up, but sometimes it’s best to carry on with life and not be stuck on this one person.


You may feel a need to go out and explore

Sometimes, when we leave the nest, we see things so differently. We have been so accustomed to our high school friends, the ones we see every day, the ones that have pretty much grown up with us. So, we see this person around campus or in one of our classes and instant crush. You start talking with them and you like each other, but you stop it because you’re not ready. You want to meet other people because all your life you have been living in this tiny town where everybody knows each other, so you haven’t gotten to meet as many people as you wish. This is very valid and it’s okay to feel this way—you do not want to settle for the first person that shows interest. But do not let a chance pass if you feel like it’s real. Also, always always keep in mind the other person’s feelings and be clear about what you feel and think; this way you can have a healthy friendship or relationship.


You feel like the relationship will turn monotonous

A great amount of us fears that after making a relationship official, the relationship will be monotonous because then they will not have to make that much effort to conquer you now that you are their significant other. This is a fear and a reality that I have heard others talk about. People tend to settle into this routine after they’ve begun an official relationship. This can be solved by talking with your S.O. and letting them know how you feel, planning couple activities and trips for just the two of you, etc. Yes, leave behind that monotonous “laying in bed watching movies". Sometimes routines work for many because college and work schedules are always super difficult. The routine could be a way to settle the schedules and spend enough time together.


Commitment issues can affect all of us and that is not a bad thing, but it is so very important that we don't end up limiting ourselves. Life is full of beautiful people and amazing souls. If you feel like you’re getting attached and you are scared that is okay; in a way, we all go through it. Being scared is part of it becoming something beautiful. Remember, communication is key.ell that person how you feel; if you are insecure, if you want some time, if you really like them. Communicate. If they're the right people for you, they will understand or, at least, try to understand. Don’t forget to do what makes you happy and live one day at a time.

Ariana Rios is a book lover and aspiring writer ready to change the world with her words. Her interests vary from film-watching and writing to taking care of dogs and all animals. Some of her inspirations are: nature and diversity. Proud student of University of Puerto Rico, Rio Piedras. Foreign Languages Major. Double Major in Journalism. Junior Student.
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