A lot of my friends and family ask me how I can get up every day and put on a full face of makeup, whether it’s before an 8 am class or even a trip to the doctor. I always tell them the simple answer: “look good, feel good.” Lately, I’ve been telling them that I won’t have a chance to get dolled up once medical school starts (I’m sure I’ll be exhausted with a million priorities) so might as well put on some glitter and red lipstick while I can.
And although those things are true, the real answer as to why I put so much effort into my appearance is far more complicated and serious than you may think.
I wasn’t always into makeup. Up until my freshman year of college, I never even wore it to school. Not eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss, nothing. I loved to go shopping and wear cute outfits, but I never did my hair or my face, even when my family and I attended certain functions. The first time I had on a full face of makeup was my oldest sister’s wedding, and I remember my friends saying “Wow! You should put on makeup more often!” while I just shook my head.
It’s not like I hated makeup or wearing it; I just didn’t feel the need or desire to ever have it on. Things started changing, though, when my personal and familial life started to go crazy. I started going through severe emotional issues that heightened my anxieties and anger, and I didn’t know how to deal with any of it. I didn’t like talking about my feelings, and frankly, I didn’t want to. I needed a coping mechanism…I just didn’t know what it should be.
One day while on YouTube, I saw a video by Tati Westbrook in my recommended feed: “$90 lipstick? WTF?!” It immediately grabbed my attention because as far as I knew, my sisters and mom never spent more than $7 on a lipstick. Why in the world was a lipstick almost $100? I clicked on it, intrigued, and before I knew it I’d watched five videos by Tati aka GlamLifeGuru. Then, I started to experiment.
The first ever foundation I bought myself oxidized way too quickly and made me look like an oompa loompa. With multiple trial and error sessions, I finally found a good foundation that matched my skin and smoothed over its imperfections. I’ll never forget it: Rimmel’s 24-Hour Stay All Day foundation in the shade Sand for $5. I wore that bottle every day with some eyeliner, and I slowly learned the appeal of makeup.
As time went on, my collection grew. I won’t state the amount of each product I have because I don’t want my mom to call and scold me, but it’s certainly hefty. Why do I need or have so many products, she and many others wonder. The thing is, makeup is an art expression to me. It’s a way to show people how you’re feeling and express your beliefs and emotions without vocalizing them.
Confidence= red lipstick. Sadness= smokey eyeshadow. Angry= gold and bronzed face. Happy and full of energy= makeup that’s your face but better. Those are just a few emotions that I connect makeup to, and every day, what I put on my face represents my take on that week, my mindset, and life in general at that point in time.
It may sound ridiculous, but makeup has become a form of therapy for me. I can change my makeup and it’ll transform my feelings or help me get through the day. I can add glitter to my eyes and find so much joy in the sparkle that I don’t think about the negativity going on around me. I can match my lips to my fingernails, a subtle detail maybe only I’d notice, and feel like I can get my life together. Makeup can make me feel awake when I’m exhausted and make me feel motivated when I’m lazy. It’s the first step of the day, the thing that pushes me to experience what’s next.
Of course there are times when I don’t wear makeup, and I look like an absolute slob when I come to class in pajamas and dirty hair. It’s not like my days are ruined or useless if I don’t have on makeup; it’s just that they’re better when I do.
Makeup has become one of the biggest coping mechanisms of my anxiety, and a way to get a grip on my emotions without struggling to put them into words. I let my hands paint over my face, sometimes taking ten minutes and sometimes taking thirty, and I take on the day as it comes. The people around me may not notice or understand what a certain color on my cheeks means, but that color allows me to take hold of a certain feeling and deal with it.
It’s that simple, and it’s that complicated.
Article taken from almostdrsyed.wordpress.com, Orooj’s personal blog.