I have been struggling with anxiety induced depression since 2012. For the first couple of years, I went to therapy at least once a week. It was a good routine to get into and it was nice having an outlet. As time went on, I realized that I didn’t need it anymore, and stopped going during my senior year of high school.
During my freshmen year of college, I was totally okay. I felt more myself than I ever was before. I finally felt happy, alive, and as though I was finally where I was meant to be. However, my anxiety got the best of me once again. Fall of 2016 hit and I felt myself going down the spiral. For the first couple of months, I tried to convince myself that I was okay, but I couldn’t ignore the crawling feeling on my skin when my anxiety took over my entire body.
I went home for winter break and I had a decision to make. Anti-anxiety medication was never an option for me as a young teen as my parents were concerned it would make matters worse. However, I was finally old enough and felt as though talking to someone wasn’t enough. That’s when I found myself walking into the doors of a psychiatrist’s office.
It felt like déjà vu. I never thought that I would be back in an office like this again. Here I was though; hands clasped tightly in my lap as I anxiously waited for the doctor to speak. It would be a trial and error. Sometimes you knock it out of the park with the right medication the first time, and sometimes you have to try again.
I was extremely tired that first month of being on the medication. My body felt heavy and all I wanted to do was sleep. To top it all off, I had a constant wave of nausea and my head was constantly pounding. I was terrified that I would still feel the same by the time the new semester started. However, as the end of January rolled around, I felt something slowly change. My energy started to pick back up again and for once in my life my brain didn’t run on a 24/7 schedule. My insomnia dwindled down and I felt lighter. I was recharged with a new ambition that I had not felt before.
To this day, I am still on the same medication. It’s not perfect. There are days where I can’t get my brain to slow down and I stay up at night thinking about all the things I should be doing. The other 9 out of times 10 though, I actually have my anxiety under control, which is something I never thought would be possible before.
The main point, however, is this: anti-anxiety medication can help. Each type has its pros and cons and sometimes it takes a while to find the right one. The most important thing to know is that it is there for you if you feel like you need it, but never feel as though it is your only option.
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