Have you ever felt as if you weren’t good enough? Have you ever felt as if you would never get better? Or have you just felt anxious for days on end? I have.
Hi. My name is Haylie, I’m 19, almost 20. I have struggled with anxiety, body image issues, and depression for quite honestly, as long as I can remember. How did they start? I can’t even remember. This is not something that many people know about me, so it’s funny to think that I am potentially telling so many strangers this right now.
I have never felt as if I fit in anywhere, I’ve struggled with body image and ever feeling as if i was skinny enough, even when I know I’m skinny, I’ve tried starving myself, i quit my favorite sport my senior year of high school because my depression and anxiety just took control over my life. And to this day it is probably my biggest regret. I have never had a solid group of friends, I’ve always been in the background. I’ve always felt like I didn’t fit in, or belong. The list of emotions I have felt over the years could go on and on. The sleepless nights, not eating, versus eating everything in front of me, working out all day everyday, to not at all for months on end. The list goes on. Quite frankly it’s never ending and all of it felt like it lasted a lifetime. I have let people walk over me and I have let my mental state and emotions take over for too long.
My thoughts have taken over my life for so long, and I have learned ways to cope and do better for myself. Yet this will be a constant battle forever and it is something I will live with, no matter how much I love myself and no matter how much I take care of myself. This is probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever written,even though it’s just a few short sentences because I am sharing my struggles to more than just my best friend, I am telling this on a platform for the entire world to see this (even though I know not that many people will see it). It is a terrifying and liberating feeling to be so honest and raw with my feelings.
Slowly I began to learn what self care was really about, and learning how to cope and handle my emotions. This will honestly be a battle I deal with for the rest of my life, but knowing how I can help myself when my emotions take over has helped immensely and having friends around me that truly care and love me for who I am helps even more.