Letters: The Doorway to Vulnerability

Why We Love

To my Person,

It has been a crazy and uncertain time and understandably so, I have been feeling sort of lost. During the short period of time that I was privileged to spend with you, I discovered a place that fulfilled so many different pieces of me. You made me realize that I could push myself outside of my comfort zone more than I thought possible. My past caused me to be closed off and defensive resulting in the pushing away of the people closest to me. Still, through everything,  I keep people at arm's length but somehow, you managed to break down some walls that have never been broken within weeks. With you, I feel the comfort that I never felt in another place before. I spent my childhood moving around constantly after my parents got divorced and had little stability. I have never felt the assurance, the safety, and the compassion that I feel when I am with you. In some way, you even manage to let my weakness show. I do not feel like I have to hide or be someone I’m not. With you, the bad suddenly becomes manageable; I can breathe. When you are around my heart is full and I feel like I am able to grow. You have managed to teach me things that have become my favorite parts of me. You got to know the parts I never share, the parts I am proud of, and the parts I didn’t even know of myself. The strength you imbed in people and the compunction you share is awakening. With you gone, my reality has set in and the gray of my past along with the confusion of my present has led me to this reflection on the respect that I have for you. With you gone, I feel like there is something missing. I feel like it is me fighting the world and fighting against time to be with you. This time is different from the past because I know that I am not alone. With you in my mind and the other relationships that I have built,  I am more content, a little less confused, and a lot stronger. Each day I wake up I am a little less sad because it means a little less time until I have you again. Having you may be temporary but I feel more than lucky to have experienced what you bring out in me. There is not one thing that I could imagine changing about you. I cannot help but feel like I have even more to learn from you. You make me long to be a better person. The way you pay attention to others is probably one of the most stunning things about you. You remember details, you see emotion, and you predict outcomes as I have never seen before. I think that is a big part of the 1,000 reasons I fell in love with you. Your determination is the only thing getting me through this time and I can assure you that you are the only thing getting me through this year. I have never had anyone accept me, my past, and my messy present the way that you do. You deserve the best and I will wake up each day contending to be that. The pain I feel when you are gone is so slight compared to the connection we share when we are together. You are pure, you are special, and you are deserving. Never let anyone tell you differently and never think anything less. Whoever crosses paths with you is guaranteed to be a better person. You bring out the best in people and cause feelings of complacency that are scarce. You have changed me in the best ways. You broke down the bad and built up the good. You have given me experiences and emotions I never thought I deserved. I feel less broken, I feel a little more relevant, and I feel a little more equal. Before you, I didn’t know my purpose. I didn’t know what was wrong with me and why things kept happening in the ways they did. I never knew where I belonged until I found you. Things really do start to make sense when you’re around. You have taught me so much, but the thing I will hold close to heart is the common phrase, “bad things happen to good people”. You did not deserve your past and I wish every day that I could change it for you. You made me realize that I don’t deserve mine and that it doesn’t characterize me. Our pasts make us stronger and I would re-do every aspect of my life if it meant finding you over and over again. With that, I hope to make your future worth the past because you are more than worthy.

Most of all, I want you to know I am not going anywhere. I am here, I am waiting, and I am yours. I would do anything for you. I am so proud of you and I cannot wait to see the amazing things you do. I will be by your side for as long as you welcome me. There is not one thing that I believe you couldn’t accomplish. You will be successful, you will be happy, and it will all be worth it. 

 

Love always,

L

coupleself-love Original Illustration by Gina Escandon for Her Campus Media