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I Asked the Universe to Make Me a Better Person, then Lost My Best Friend

So, picture this: You’re 21, entering your senior year of college. Great grades, great friends, a nice new apartment, a new (leased, but still new) Jeep, and you’re happy…but you still don’t feel like you’re living your best life. What do you do? 

This was me. I was in a better place than I’d ever been, and everything was going well, but I still felt like I was missing something. I meditate almost every night, so one night I got deep into it and asked the Universe to help me. I said I didn’t feel like I was living up to my fullest potential, and needed Her to help me understand what I needed to do in order to feel “right.” I came out of meditation and went to bed, feeling optimistic.

The next day, my long-time boyfriend ignored me all day. I called and texted, asking him to at least let me know if he was okay. Finally, after almost 24 hours without hearing from him, he texts, “I’m doing homework right now.”  As if that were a valid excuse for not speaking to me for so long. I was livid, and went into a rage about him rarely giving me the attention I needed (and often, none at all), which was true. And it had been years of this, off and on. I was tired of putting the emotional work into someone who wasn’t giving even a little bit back. 

So, I gave up. I told him I was tired, couldn’t do it anymore, and needed to let him go. He didn’t argue. Too much work, probably (after all, he was doing homework). I blocked him in every manner that I could, had a really good cry in the shower, and sat down in my usual meditation before bed. 

I opened my mind, and basically asked the Universe, “Wtf? I asked you to make me a better person, not take away my relationship.”  And then it hit me: I’m a giant dumbass.  I asked the Universe to make me a better person, and INSTANTLY, this guy was gone out of my life. 

The days following, blessings have literally started flowing into my life at every minute. My internship supervisor is praising my writing, telling me he’ll help me get a job writing professionally once I finish school if I want it. I’m sleeping better. I’m suddenly doing well in a class that I’d been nervous about at the start of the semester. My face is clearing up. I’m finding fantastic deals every time I walk into Homegoods. I’m forming stronger bonds with my friends than I ever have. It’s been tough receiving all of this good news and not having him to share it with, but even that habit of wanting to run to him with everything is fading away. Finally. 

I’m still hurt and confused (and honestly, more than a little bit pissed off) about why things had to unfold the way that they did, but I’m trusting that the Universe sent me the right way. 

[photos via Home Thods on Flickr]

Olivia is a senior at UNCW, majoring in Creative Writing. She enjoys color coding all things possible and hanging string lights year-round.
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