Non-traditional communities are often rejected or even feared by participants of mainstream normative culture, especially surrounding taboo subjects such as sex lives. There are many groups of sex culture that contradict the “norm,” such as LGBTQ+ communities, polyamory, and BDSM. However, unlike other non-traditional sex groups, BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism) is still in its infancy of introduction to a broader audience. Participants of this community face intense stigma due to a general lack of awareness and education around kink.
BDSM serves as an umbrella term for the specific erotic sensations that people prefer, also known as kinks. Kink and BDSM are often used interchangeably as the specific terminology varies between the many different subcultures present in the community. Contrary to popular belief, BDSM often focuses on the combination of the physical and psychological sensations that participants get in a scene.
For example, many people with a bondage kink enjoy both the physical feeling of being unable to move and the psychological feeling of not being in control because it can feel very freeing when in a safe environment. When you consent to a BDSM scene, you are acknowledging a high level of trust between all people involved, which means that your body and mind can experience that relaxed sensation that you don’t necessarily get in hookup culture or even in many normative sex lives.
Although some claim that unconventional sex is morally and/or fundamentally wrong, the negative responses that members of these groups have received and the effects it has had on their personal lives shows that judgement for the unknown is a far greater threat than any activity they participate in. More research and representation are needed in the mainstream world to combat the societal stigma and “othering” that BDSM participants experience.
There are many misrepresentations and misconceptions around the BDSM counterculture, leading to an overall sensitivity and fear towards kink and, therefore, an increased stigma towards BDSM practitioners. These perspectives drive the argument against BDSM but are often driven by incorrect information and assumptions. It’s easy to say that it’s wrong, that participants are damaged or broken, or even that BDSM interactions are abusive or dangerous to the physical wellbeing of participants, but these claims make it clear that the person making them is uneducated about the topic.
Even the little that the normative population knows about the BDSM community is an inaccurate portrayal of what BDSM really is. With little knowledge of the inner workings of a non-traditional community, it makes sense that there are misconceptions – but that does not justify the stigma that participants of this culture face.
The notorious BDSM film Fifty Shades of Grey grossed over $100 million at the domestic box office and $300 million worldwide within a week of its global release. The book trilogy sold over 125 million copies worldwide and even surpassed J.K. Rowling’s record for fastest-selling paperback book ever, selling over 70 million copies in the US in 8 months. It was a smashing success, and many thought it to be a good thing as kink culture was introduced to a broader audience. It showed just how mainstream BDSM had the potential to be.
However, especially because of these star qualities, the shockingly inaccurate portrayals certainly fueled counterarguments to unconventional sexualities and therefore increased stigma response. For example, the movie portrays the male main character as someone who needed to be fixed – who was so engaged in BDSM because of his tragic backstory and was fueled by an unending need for control. Additionally, especially in the first movie, the relationship between the two main characters is strained at best, and completely uncommunicative for large chunks of time. Without even getting into the nitty-gritty of this portrayal (such as showing a BDSM contract as a legal document instead of guidelines for each other to follow to prevent someone from feeling uncomfortable), this representation is already incredibly inaccurate.
Communication is one of the most important parts of BDSM, and most participants are completely mentally stable. Engaging in a non-traditional method of sex is not grounds for the need to be fixed.
Those who argue against BDSM are often in normative culture and, therefore, only know what is represented and discussed in mainstream media, which is largely inaccurate (when it’s even acknowledged). Without basic sex education to a broader audience about underrepresented sex communities, stigma will only continue to grow. “The mystery surrounding these practices allows people to be easily frightened, and it can make judgment seem a little more OK” (Sweeton). However, BDSM does not need to remain a mystery.
The unknown often creates a fearful response when it contradicts personal views, and the gut reaction is often to go to war over your ideologies instead of empathizing with those who are different from you. Because there is little general education about alternative sex groups in mainstream culture, it can be all too easy to assume, especially when it counters the “normal” viewpoint. In an article for Psychology Today, doctoral student Jennifer Sweeton poses questions that put this idea into perspective: “Is BDSM dangerous because it is bad for our health, or because it is non-normative and threatening to traditional views on love? Is BDSM only for deviants who can’t love, or is BDSM just a different way of loving?”
BDSM can be dangerous, but not any more than any other recreational activity. There is always the potential for physical harm, especially since the activities this community participates in are often more intensive than a traditional sexual experience. However, just like any sexual interaction in the mainstream world, it is up to participants to know where their limits are and to communicate that with their partner. Proper interactions in the BDSM community should be no more dangerous than “vanilla” sex.
Ignorance creates (solvable) problems. Education and accurate portrayals of the BDSM community are necessary in mainstream culture, especially since the stigma towards non-traditional sexual behavior affects the quality of life for participants. Psychologist Robert Muller PhD wrote in Psychology Today that “The only guilt I feel is the manufactured cliché guilt that society thrusts upon people who have weird kinks.” Fear towards the unknown is a societal response caused by conditioning mainstream culture to reject anything that counters what the “normative” experience is. However, basic education and accurate representations would quickly change the perception of BDSM participants and other non-traditional sex communities.
There are many arguments that BDSM is wrong, or unstable, or dangerous, or even just too different, but counterculture sex preferences are often perceived this way due to a lack of understanding and acceptance. By working on this issue and focusing on extended research and representation, the academic world provides the opportunity for discourse and growth concerning unconventional sex and, therefore, the potential to combat the stigma that negatively impacts the BDSM community.