“How’s college going for you?” I wish that people would just quit asking me this question. What I want to tell them is, “Honestly, it’s terrible. College sucks,” but I know that’s not what they want to hear. So instead, I just put a smile on my face and keep going about my day.
My first few weeks of college were fun. I thought it was so amazing to finally be out on my own, and it was like a breath of fresh air. I was in the big city, where the possibilities are endless and there is so much to do. However, after several months have gone by, I’ve started to realize the harsh realities of being a college student during COVID-19.
I knew that school would look different this year because of the pandemic, but I never envisioned it to be like this. I feel like I have been robbed from my freshman year experience, and what’s even worse is that there is nothing I can do about it. Since most of my classes are online, my days have started to run together while I’m confined to the four walls of my dorm room. I find myself feeling lonely. It’s so hard to make new friends when everything is virtual and you can’t physically spend time with them. Even if I do meet someone in person, we have to stay six feet apart at all times and wear masks everywhere we go. Although I know this is for the better, I can’t help but to think how much all of this sucks.
College is a time for personal growth and learning. It’s a time where you finally get to discover who you truly are as a person. However, when I am staring at my laptop screen for hours-upon-end each day while wearing the same sweatpants three days in a row, it’s pretty difficult to feel independent and confident about myself. I no longer feel motivated, but instead, I feel emotionally drained and overwhelmed by my thoughts and emotions. I keep pondering over how different my life would be right now if it weren’t for COVID-19. Unfortunately, though, no matter how much I stew over it, things aren’t going to change for a while.
I know I must sound very selfish right now. You probably are thinking, “This girl is such a brat. At least she gets to go to college.” And you’re right. I do get to go to college, and I am very grateful that I have the opportunity to further my education. However, I feel unhappy and unsatisfied for not getting the experience that I was hoping and paying for. So for now, excuse me while I give myself five minutes to dwell in my self-pity.
Sigh. I still can’t stop anticipating the day where everything goes back to normal… If things ever will be normal again. However, I feel so much more relieved now after reflecting and decompressing over everything that has happened. We are in a global pandemic, so it’s completely normal to feel isolated and upset sometimes. It’s important for all of us to remember that despite all the craziness going on in the world around us, this storm shall pass. Personally, it wasn’t until I acknowledged my feelings of grief and anger that I started to cope and feel better about the situation. With this being said, I want to give you a friendly reminder that it is OKAY to not feel okay all of the time. At the end of the day, just know that you are not alone and your mental health matters.