When we think about self-love, we often reflect on how we feel and see ourselves, but self-love is much more than that. We’ve all come across situations or moments that have made us question ourselves and gave people the benefit of the doubt even when we know we shouldn’t have. Self- love is about respecting your time, standards and values and not settling for less.
Talking from experience, actually doing this is easier said than done. Sometimes the way in which we were raised, our internal struggles, and personality influence the way we actually stand up for ourselves when it comes to maintaining our standards.
I was lucky to grow up in a household surrounded by love, support and a place of empowerment. Despite having this advantage, I’ve found that I am sometimes hesitant to speak out on certain things that may bother me and have even failed to respect my own standards. Being comprehensive and having empathy for others is a great quality, so having a “big heart” is not the problem. This only becomes a problem when you allow it to be a problem. It’s important to remember your own priorities, your values and to respect your own time.
Being affirmative or even calling someone out can definitely be something scary and nerve-racking, especially after letting things slide for so long— but it’s necessary. It is important to remember that your time, your feelings and standards are valid in any environment.
Additionally, being affirmative is even more difficult when there is a societal standard that women should remain submissive and agree with everything thrown their way. As a woman of color, taking the step to call people out for taking advantage can be even more intimidating, but through baby steps it is possible to achieve the level of confidence needed.
Things that have allowed me to practice this confidence and remind me that I do deserve to have my time and standards valued are having friends that listen to me and remind me to wake up and realize what’s going on, along with journaling my priorities and standards and finally speaking to a professional. Having a therapist listen to me and break down some of these behaviors has really allowed me to take a step back to realize what I was doing to myself by allowing others to step over me.
Self-love is not only taking a break for yourself, feeling beautiful and taking care of your health. It’s also your reaction and how you allow others to treat you. Remind yourself of the strong and confident person that you are and don’t change your own rules for others, especially when you know they wouldn’t do the same for you. Your needs are as important, and there’s no reason why you should doubt that or change that for anyone else but yourself. Love yourself enough to say, “That’s enough.”