With COVID-19 spreading rapidly, quarantining is essential in helping slow the spread of the virus. However, this can be disastrous for people struggling with all types of mental health issues. Eating disorders are no exception. These types of disorders thrive in isolation. Being trapped in a space with only food and your thoughts to preoccupy your time is a dangerous combination for someone dealing with this. I know that to be true for myself.
I was eight years old when I first became aware of my weight. I was in a dressing room with my mom at a department store while she was struggling to pull the zipper up on the dress I was trying on. The two dressing room attendants yelled to my mom that I was “just too fat for that dress” and to “stop giving me candy.” I had never had someone talk about my body in such a negative way. My young mind instantly started thinking there was something wrong with how I looked. After that, I started fixating and comparing my body to other people’s. I began calling myself ‘ugly’ and ‘fat.’ I would agonize over why my friends’ thighs were smaller than mine. I hated what I saw in the mirror.
After years of ignoring the issue and having an unhealthy relationship with food, I finally reached out for help and then was diagnosed with Bulimia nervosa and body dysmorphia. It was not something that can be fixed overnight, and I wouldn’t say I’m ‘cured.’ However, I have been in recovery and going strong.
There are thousands of people who deal with the same issues as I do. However, quarantine is an unexpected trigger. Social distancing, self-quarantining and other measures involved in fighting coronavirus provide the ideal environment for eating disorders to thrive.
Many people, like myself, keep themselves busy to not hyperfocus on food. For example, I use exercise as a way to combat negative thoughts about my body. It’s a sense of control. I used to cycle, lift weights, do yoga and run six days a week. However, with the stay-at-home order in place and the closures of nonessential businesses, I have not been able to do any of those things. The feelings of self-hatred start to creep up on you when you’re in your room alone with your thoughts for hours. If you’re feeling alone and need some tips from someone who’s going through it too, this is what I’ve learned about coping right now:
- Undernourishment weakens your immune system.
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I’ve experienced this in the past after relapsing. Try regularly eating the best you can and just take things one day at a time. I used to feel like I was just surviving rather than thriving, but surviving is the most vital thing any of us can do right now.
- Keeping up appointments with therapists, specialists and doctors is very important.
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Plain and simple, go to your appointments. They’re there to help you. You’re not alone, even if you physically are right now.
- Take a walk/run outside but abide by the social distancing rules.
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I go on a run every other day as it gives me a sense of control in my own life. Also, it’s important to get some sunshine!
- Make a schedule for yourself.
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It makes your mind focus on other things and will give you more motivation to keep yourself accountable. I even plan times in the day to sometimes splurge and do some online shopping.
- Finally, forgive yourself.
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It’s completely okay for things to feel challenging right now. It’s okay if your eating patterns are irregular. It’s okay if you’re snacking more, moving less or if you’re changing size or shape. Weight gain during isolation isn’t something to beat yourself up about. I know that is easier said than done, and you can’t just turn off your eating disorder, but things won’t be like this forever.
What matters most right now is that you take care of yourself. If none of this pertains to you, remember to reach out to anyone you know who this might pertain to. To others who are going through similar situations, you’re beautiful and uniquely you. Stay strong and stay safe.