With only a month left of my college experience, I have been incredibly sentimental and reflecting on my four years at UMKC and what I experienced. There is no doubt that my classes have taught me extremely important concepts and lessons, but I want to talk about what I learned outside the classroom. I believe these lessons to be integral as a soon to be post-graduate, and I’m so grateful for every single one.
- I learned that I have to make time for myself.
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Having roommates and making new friends are such an amazing part of college, but you’re going through an extreme developmental period that requires you to spend time alone. Despite whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, there will be times when you need to complete a little self-care. Jumping from one social event to the next is fun and productive, but also exhausting. Not taking the necessary time to slow down and relax can be so harmful to your mental health. College burnout is a very real concept and you can help avoid this by setting aside time to care for yourself. Whether it’s through catching up on sleep, journaling, going on a walk, reading a book or having a movie night, this quiet time is much needed to contrast the stress resulting from courses and constant social life.
- I learned that my happiness cannot be rooted in others
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I didn’t learn this lesson until the summer right before my senior year of college because it took me so long to even realize this was a problem I was experiencing. I’m a sensitive person, and I was letting so many situations and friendships affect me in a negative way without considering the intentions of others. I realized that I was putting my happiness in the control of my friends, which isn’t fair to them or to me. I felt disappointed in myself for two reasons: I was struggling to be happy completely alone and I allowed my friends to unintentionally make me sad instead of happy. It is important to note that I don’t mean toxic and abusive friendships when I say this. I’m only referring to healthy friendships with people who genuinely care about and appreciate you. Because my happiness was rooted in my friends, I felt so guilty when I was disappointed by them. Several months ago, I learned that it is normal and okay to sometimes be disappointed or upset with your friends without being a bad friend. I realized I have to acknowledge that their intentions weren’t to hurt me and that it is not their responsibility to maintain my own happiness.
This was also the point of my college experience where I focused on creating my own happiness. I added my individual hobbies like painting and reading into my schedule while still making time for school and cultivating healthy friendships. Taking this time to do something centered around myself put me in a much healthier mental space and improved my friendships. I experienced a lot of self-discovery during college, and part of that included improving my mindset and perspective regarding happiness and friends.
- I learned that students should join as many organizations as they can
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I know every single college student has probably heard this numerous times, but I had to include it because I didn’t listen at first and I want to make sure you do. When I say join as many organizations as you can, I mean to include a vast array of groups that further your education, involve trying something new and cultivate a social network. Of course, I still want you to make time for yourself and know your limits. There is such a thing as being involved in too much and part of the college experience is learning how to manage your time. Sometimes you join too many groups and have to make hard decisions about what to let go and that’s okay. You have to acknowledge that there aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything you want to do and still have a healthy sleep schedule and mind. For the students that have anxiety about joining groups, I promise almost everyone else does too. Knowing that these organizations are so helpful in connecting with like-minded students, there are leadership opportunities and you make most of your friends through these groups was something I found simultaneously exciting and stressful.
- I learned that it’s really okay to change your major
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Coming from someone who changed her major and degree plan at least five times, it is more than okay to explore other options. Things do not always go to plan and I have found that most of the time this is truly for the best. When I was first entering college, people told me this all the time but I honestly thought they were just trying to make me feel better about the fact I had little to no idea what direction I wanted to go. If were being honest, I had no idea what my career path was going to be until my senior year. I didn’t realize what I wanted to study until my sophomore year and after that I added minors and majors until I ended up with two bachelor’s degrees. Though the four years seem to go by so fast, there is still plenty of time to figure it out and even if you graduate and still have no idea if you want to use your degree, that’s okay too.
- I learned that I need to stop telling myself “no”
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I know I can’t be the only person who struggled with telling myself “no” before I even tried or made an attempt. Somewhere along the way, I lost my confidence in my own abilities and potential achievement. There were so many opportunities that I was too scared to pursue in case I was rejected. I didn’t even realize I was self-sabotaging in this way until I pushed myself to pursue opportunities and was so surprised that they worked out. I had to take a harder look at why I was so shocked that I was able to build my professional network, get hired for painting commissions and take a law class as an undergraduate student. I realized I had been telling myself “no” so that no one else would have the chance to do it for me. I am so grateful that I realized and corrected this problem before I graduated, but sad at my missed opportunities.
I hope you found these five things I learned outside of the classroom helpful and take them into account in your own experiences. Dealing with friendships, struggling with anxiety, joining organizations, cultivating a healthy mindset and perspective and making time for myself were some very important lessons I learned through college. I hope this encourages you to acknowledge and celebrate your own growth and progress.