An Open Letter to the Man Who Broke My Heart,
I used to spend days and weeks and months thinking of you. I wondered where you were, how you were doing in school, if you kept your major, if you still worked out, who you subscribed to on YouTube, what protein you used now, what happened between us, do you still think of me?
I wonder these same thoughts every day until those sweet spoonfuls of memories tasted as bitter as raw vinegar. I used to think up ways in my head to reach out to you, to somehow bypass the block put on my account.
I wanted to see pictures of you and your nephews and see how your family was.
Looking back now, I see how unhealthy I was. As I write this today, I see that all those months I spent wallowing in self-pity only made me stronger. I am here to say that you did not deserve to have someone care for you as I did.
I was emotionally unstable and you could not handle it and I understand this, but one day I know that you will look back and regret this all.
You see, I have found a man who loves me for real this time. This man holds me tight when I am scared at night and he holds me tight when I am not scared at all. He goes out of his way to make me happy. He is patient when I’m unstable. He’s helped me to not be unstable. He’s shown me the love of God in a way I never understood. He cares for me when I’m sick and when I’m healthy. I don’t have to live in fear of him leaving.
He worked for months to gain the trust of my heart that you single-handedly destroyed in three days.
Now, here I sit on the MacBook Pro I got myself, on break from my fully paid scholarship to the University of Kentucky, getting ready to graduate a year early with the degree I always wanted, writing for not one, but two, major newspapers/magazines, creating a business that is flourishing beyond belief and loving a man who loves me more than you ever will love anything in your entire life.
One day I’ll post this and I know you’ll read it because I know you check on me. I know you look to see how happy I am and I know it kills you. I know you think about reaching out and being a part of all this success, but you can’t get past the guilt. If you are thinking about it, I hope this letter knocks down any shred of hope you had left of us.
Sincerely,
The woman who lives