Two years ago, I was a mess. Not even a “hot” mess. Freshly diagnosed with PTSD with a GPA that reflected my inability to concentrate, I thought about transferring. I thought about changing my major. I thought about dropping out. I frequently faked having the flu to explain my affinity for naps and being alone.
I drank a disturbing amount, and frequently.
Eventually I recognized that something needed to change. I started by reluctantly going to therapy. Therapy is somehow the most daunting thing you can do. It’s so much worse than finding an apartment or paying bills or going to the dentist. I call therapy the apex of adulthood, the ability to admit you have a problem and need help which flings you straight out of childhood.
So, I struggled for about a year, maybe a little more. I had to fill out these worksheets about my feelings that made me feel like a kid, but I did them. I was sick to my stomach walking to the counseling center on campus, but I did it. I slowly pulled my life back together despite the discouraging bumps that happened along the way.
Now it’s been two years. I’m walking with Honors despite that semester I was convinced would ruin my college career. I’m running a half marathon next month just because I saw the promotional video and figured, “why not?” I rarely have anxiety attacks, and when I do they ebb away much faster than they used to.
No matter how messy your life feels right now, you have the ability to change it. It won’t be a fast process. You can’t think one day that you should get in shape then drop twenty-five pounds by next Monday. You have to work on yourself, and it’s hard. But it’s also so worth it. Give yourself a chance and make a comeback.