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UH | Life > Experiences

What is Virginity Anyway?

Shekinah Abolo Student Contributor, University of Houston
Salma Mendez Student Contributor, University of Houston
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UH chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

‘Virginity’ comes with a lot of baggage. Women aren’t completely removed from the preachings that having sex, consensually or not, makes you a licked cupcake or a chewed piece of gum; completely valueless. Although this generation has opted to adopt a more liberal view on sexuality, choosing to view the first time as making one’s sexual debut, something empowering, rather than something that taints you, there isn’t a complete consensus on what makes someone a virgin. Has there ever been?

Centuries have dictated that penetration defines whether or not a sex act has occurred, and you can see that in the Bible with verses like Leviticus 18:22, which warns against homosexuality—in males. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that women shouldn’t sleep together. But lesbians have sex and have been going at it for as long as men have, and if you look at orgasm stats, they’re pretty good at it, so why doesn’t the Bible account for this? To most, phallic penetration is what makes sex count. 

Not even Christians have a complete consensus on what constitutes defloration (see the “poophole loophole” and “soaking”). That leaves things like oral in limbo. 

Is someone still a virgin when they give or receive oral sex? What about when they let a guy “stick the tip in”? When I ask my girlfriends this, I’ve received mixed results. From the two virgins that are in the “penetration is penetration camp”, those negate virginhood. For the majority, it doesn’t or at least calls it into question. To those in that camp, I ask them to imagine if their boyfriend has done the same to a higher number of girls; They start reconsidering their answer. 

One such time, my girlfriend jokingly refused to engage further, fearing what it would mean for her body count. If oral counts, then that would mean she has slept with more people than she originally thought. This highlights that even progressives and sex positive people still have regressive views on sexuality due to society’s relentless messaging on purity.

Virginity is hard to define and means something different to everyone, so I think we need to broaden our definition past heteronormative ideals and ask ourselves: what’s wrong with having (a lot of) consensual sex? Having sex with multiple people doesn’t make you “loser” or impact your ability to bond with your romantic partner, so if no one gets hurt in the process, fuck away.

Shekinah Abolo

UH '27

Shekinah Abolo has been a journalism student since her sophomore year of high school, and she reckons that she's done communications for a good portion of her life because in middle school, she ran a Naruto fan page. The page is up in embers (probably for the best), but at the time of deletion, she amassed 3000 followers there.

But why journalism? Her PR answer is that it combines her love for people and writing, but if you caught her on the street, she'd tell you that getting paid to be nosy sounds lucrative and she loves telling people things they don't know.

When she's not writing for Her Campus, she's writing for The Daily Cougar.
Salma Mendez

UH '26

Hey! My name is Salma Mendez, and I am a senior at the University of Houston, majoring in Marketing with a minor in Human Resource Management. One of my biggest passions in life is personal growth, whether that is through challenging myself with new experiences, learning new skills, or finding small ways to become a better version of myself every day.

Outside of school, I enjoy diving into a good book, finding cool hidden gems around the city, and trying new hobbies that spark my interest. I am looking forward to contributing my skills and creativity to Her Campus, all while building connections with like-minded, driven women! :)