”Your guide to surviving homecoming season without falling victim to the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve.”
I don’t know if you’ve checked your calendar lately, but homecoming is right around the corner. While we’re busy booking hair appointments, chopping and piecing together outfits, and trying to figure out how on earth we’re supposed to make it to six different functions in one weekend, there’s another group of people preparing for the festivities with just as much anticipation as we are.
The men.
Now, don’t get me misunderstood; I love a good homecoming. The music, the parties, the school spirit, seeing everybody looking good and feeling even better. It’s practically a holiday for us college students, and I fully intend to celebrate accordingly. However, I’d be failing my girls as a collective if I didn’t mention one rather unfortunate side effect of bringing thousands of young, attractive, single people together for an entire weekend.
The thirst.
And baby, you have to believe that it’s going to be at an all-time high. Homecoming is one big puddle of fresh, ice-cold water with a lemon on the side, and some of these men have been wandering through the Sahara since syllabus week.
So of course, excitement is expected. Pictures will be liked; your story replies might even start looking a little different. That boy who hasn’t spoken to you since August may suddenly remember that “your face is so beautiful, it brings flowers back to life”. And someone who’s been telling you since the beginning of the semester that he wants to take you out might finally ask you what you’re doing.
At 1:36 in the morning, and it’ll be no shame in his game.
But before we start mistaking a little homecoming enthusiasm for the beginning of a college love story, let’s pump the brakes just a little bit and discuss the fact that homecoming does not mean a home is coming.
Just because your biscuits are hot, fresh, and buttered up this weekend doesn’t mean somebody’s coming to place an order on Monday. And if they’re still sitting up getting cold, that doesn’t mean something’s wrong with your biscuits. You just left them out waiting for somebody who was never hungry in the first place. So here’s a short guide to make sure the only thing you leave homecoming season with is good memories, cute pictures, and maybe a new prospect or two, not a head full of sweet nothings and confusion from a would’ve, could’ve, should’ve.
1. a Compliment is not a commitment
First things first, ladies, we have got to stop giving compliments responsibilities they never applied for. A man can say you’re the prettiest girl he’s seen all weekend and still have absolutely no intentions of getting to know you beyond what your Instagram highlights have already told him. Both things can be true. And listen, I love a compliment just as much as the next girl. If I spent two hours doing my make up, another hour fixing my hair, and had to practically negotiate with my outfit to get it to look right, somebody better notice. Preferably several people.
But there’s a difference between a man appreciating how you look and a man actually being interested in who you are. He might call you beautiful, tell you he wants to see you, ask why you never talk to him, and throw in a little “you know I’ve always liked you” for decoration. That’s cute. But has he made an actual effort to spend time with you? Has he asked you anything about yourself that couldn’t be answered by scrolling through your page? I’m not saying every compliment needs to come with a dinner reservation. Sometimes a man genuinely just wants to tell you that you look good, and there’s nothing wrong with that. The problem starts when we begin filling in the blanks for him. He said you were beautiful, and now you’re wondering whether he’d make a good boyfriend. Girl, we haven’t even established whether he knows your last name. Take the compliment, say thank you, and continue enjoying your night. If he wants to do more than admire you, give him the opportunity and space to show you.
2. Don’t confuse access with intention
Now, this one might require a little self reflection, because sometimes we are entirely too generous with our availability. And before anybody gets offended, I’m not talking about whether you decide to kiss somebody, dance with them, or do whatever else grown people decide to do during homecoming weekend. Your business is your business. I’m talking about the way somebody can go from being a complete stranger on Thursday to having unrestricted access to your time by Saturday.
Suddenly, you’re rearranging your plans to see him, answering calls at hours when even the dining calls are closed, and giving detailed explanations about where you’re going and who you’re going with. Meanwhile, the two of you haven’t even had a conversation about what either of you is looking for.
Now, how did we get here?
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying somebody’s company. You might meet a fine man at the party, have a great conversation, exchange numbers, and genuinely want to see him again. Wonderful. That’s part of the fun. But enjoying someone’s attention doesn’t mean you have to immediately start making room for them in every part of your life.
And please, let’s stop treating every vague suggestion as a confirmed plan. “We need to go out sometime” is not a date. “I’m trying to see you” is not a location. And “what you doing later?” at 1:36 in the morning is certainly not the dinner invitation you’ve been waiting on since August. If you want to see him, see him. If you’re interested, be interested. Just make sure you’re making those decisions because it’s what you actually want, not because you’re hoping that being available enough will eventually convince him to take you serious.
You don’t have to audition for a position that nobody’s even offered you.
3. Pay attention to who’s still interested on monday
Now comes the part nobody particularly enjoys talking about. The weekend is over. The lashes are coming off, somebody’s missing a shoe, your camera roll has about 400 pictures that look exactly alike, and you’ve got an assignment due at 11:59 that you haven’t even opened. Life is returning to normal. And that’s usually when you get a much better idea of whether that little homecoming romance was going somewhere or whether the two of you were simply having a very good weekend.
Because it’s easy to be interested when everybody’s dressed up, the music is good, and there’s something happening every night. But what happens when there isn’t a party to meet at or a function to invite you to? Does he still want to get to know you? Does he actually follow through on that date he mentioned? Can the two of you have a conversation in broad daylight without the assistance of loud music and a little liquid courage?
And no, I’m not suggesting that you start staring at your phone at 8:01 Monday morning, waiting for a good morning text. Please go to class. I’m saying pay attention to what happens naturally once the excitement settles down. Some people are genuinely interested or busy. Some are bad at texting. And some were never looking for anything beyond a fun weekend. None of those possibilities automatically make somebody a bad person, but they do mean different things for you depending on what you’re looking for. If you want something casual, there’s nothing wrong with that. If you’re hoping for something more intentional, there’s nothing wrong with that either. The important thing is being able to recognize when what somebody is offering doesn’t match what you actually want. That’s all.
Homecoming is supposed to be fun. Go to the parties, wear the outfit, take the pictures, flirt with that fine man if you feel like it. You might even meet somebody worth getting to know, and I certainly wouldn’t discourage a little romance. Just remember that an exciting weekend doesn’t automatically come with an exciting future. And if nothing else, please make it to at least four of those six functions. You did not spend all that money on your hair to sit in somebody’s dorm room the entire weekend.