This isn’t an easy feeling to think about. There are so many places to start. The best way I feel we should start is like this:
You are enough. Don’t convince yourself that you are anything less than capable. This feeling is understandable, and we all go through it. You are not alone in this. Let’s talk about it.
I often wonder if I am doing things right. I question every move and decision I make and can’t help but compare myself to every person next to me. I somehow convince myself that they must have life figured out simply because they look like they did their hair this morning or that they got enough sleep. As if I know that they are on track simply because they know how they want their coffee before I can decide if I even want a coffee or not. It can be simple things like this that make me feel like I’m not meeting the standards of perfection.
Here’s the reality of this: There is no perfection. We don’t have a perfect way to do anything, and why would we? Nobody is meant to be perfect. You’re meant to be human. This means that you’re allowed to make mistakes, you can do things differently and you can express yourself however you like. You need to remember that the person that you are is exactly who you’re supposed to be.
Perhaps, to get over this feeling of falling short, we need to ask ourselves this: Am I really falling short of myself, or is my brain just making me think that?
Data and analytics professional Dean Furness explains in his 2020 TED Talk how he has taken on these feelings we so often pretend we don’t have. After an accident in 2011 that left him paralyzed from the waist down, he couldn’t help but compare his life to others. Telling his story, he encouraged his listeners to understand that our averages vary and our accomplishments won’t always be the same.
“I’m working really hard every day to be better in so many other ways; a better parent, a better husband, a better coach, teammate, friend, person. And I promise you, even though what you see here is very visible in terms of the challenges that I face, everybody here has something that they’re fighting, and it may be visible, it may not be, but please, take some time and focus on you instead of others, and I bet you can win those challenges and really start accomplishing so many great things,” Furness said.
The standards you set for yourself should only be what you want. You never need to make yourself be what you feel others will find ideal. This journey of self-improvement is exactly that; it’s for yourself and nobody else. Just because they have expectations for you doesn’t automatically make them your own. You possess all the qualities that make you entirely, uniquely, one of a kind. Don’t throw that away because you feel like it’s not enough. Don’t throw that away because you feel it isn’t going to impress others. If you are happy with yourself, then you have done your job. It’s up to you to make yourself proud.
The feeling of falling short is one that we seem to make up within ourselves. It brings embarrassment, anxiety and fear. In the grand scheme of things, this is a wasted emotion. Allow yourself to feel free. We are always comparing ourselves to others, but we don’t need to. We are allowed to bask in our accomplishments and joys no matter how small.
It’s time to stop comparing. If you want to be a better you, then the only one you should compare yourself to is exactly that. YOURSELF. Set goals for your future self then allow yourself to meet them. If you have a few failures along the way, that is OK! In the end, you’re becoming a better you. Your goals and aspirations shouldn’t align with those of others; set your own! If they aren’t yours, you’ll find it that much harder to live up to them. Do it for yourself and don’t hold yourself to their standards of success! You’re worthy of admiration and the feeling of being enough.
In case you haven’t heard this yet: I am proud of the work you have accomplished. Every step you have made has been something to celebrate. Be proud of yourself! You’re exactly where you need to be.