Recently, I turned 20. Although I was aware of this fact on paper and I’d known (for many years prior) that my twentieth birthday would inevitably come, it wasn’t until about halfway through the day that I actually realized “Oh my god, I’m in my twenties?” I felt like I’d heard so much about this infamous decade that it had become this far off, mythical future that I’d never actually reach. But there it was, all of a sudden, right upon me.Â
We see and hear about the “twenties” all the time in movies, books, music and social media. It’s an era that’s often characterized by being young and hot with the world as your oyster and no responsibilities other than taking care of your own self. But, it’s also intertwined with a whole lot of stress and a seemingly endless internal crisis. This time is when you’re supposed to be figuring out your life, while also becoming increasingly aware that you have no idea what you’re doing. When I was younger, I used to envision that my twenties would kind of be like Rachel Green and Monica Geller’s lives in Friends. As I got older, I realized as a lot of us do, that working as a waitress and living in massive apartments with all your friends in New York might not be the most realistic of futures. Nonetheless, your twenties are bound to be just as chaotic as those of the Friends gang.
Your early twenties in college are specifically, for many of us, one of the most stressful phases of this decade. And that’s often due to something I’ve decided to call the tug-of-war effect.
The last few years of college tend to be an extremely stressful period that’s masked by the excitement of partying, friends, classes and all the etcetera of college. I’ve experienced a sort of tug-of-war between wanting to have fun to make the most of my time here, and focusing on school to set myself up as best as possible for when I graduate. Finding the balance between the two can be difficult. I’ve felt so overwhelmed at times, with 10,000 different jobs, internships, clubs and majors being thrown at me at once. I mean, by junior year, logging into Linkedin can feel like a form of psychological warfare. It can be so easy to look at what everyone else is doing and only be able to see what you’re not. A lot of times, that’ll push me to feel the urge to commit all of my free time to clubs, editing my resume, applying to internships and sitting in the library for days on end. For me, that just isn’t a logical course of action. There’s also a guilt that can sometimes come with having fun. Going out on Wednesdays or taking the weekend to head to St. Augustine with friends creates a pit of anxiety about all the things you’re not doing.Â
And with that comes the million-dollar question that we’ve all probably asked ourselves once, twice or a million times: Am I doing enough? The answer to that? I have no idea. I don’t think there really is a way to know. You mostly just have to do the best you can, aim for what you want and avoid comparing yourself to the thousands of kids you go to school with. People are in completely different places and paths in college and will be scattered around even more post-graduation. I’ve fallen into that trap before, ending up comparing my college career to people who are on different career paths with different skill sets and different goals. It’s so pointless.Â
The greatest advice I can provide (as someone who’s less than two months into their twenties and has a very limited amount of life experience) is to find the balance. I know I sound like Demi Moore in The Substance, but hey – they were on to something. There is a balance between having fun and living in the moment while also getting your dream internship and doing well in your classes. For me, the most difficult thing isn’t finding that balance, but being aware that you have it. It’s more than easy to get wrapped up in what others are doing and start panicking about everything you’re missing. But, a lot of times you just have to take a step back and realize that you’re on your path and it’s a good one. End of story. The worst thing you can do is get so wrapped up in your head that you forget where you’re at.Â
Your twenties can (and probably will) be some of the most exciting and transformative years of your life, but they can also be some of the most stressful. Those two things can and will exist at the same time. So, find your balance, take a breath, turn in that assignment and go out with your friends this Friday. After all, you’re only in college once.