As I rang in the new year somewhat mutedly on my balcony over a quiet, abandoned Gainesville, the weight of 2015 began to slowly creep over me. After several days of confused nervousness, I realized my anxiety stemmed from the countless life-changing events that would occur in 2015. My 21st birthday, traveling the world with my roommate, graduating from college and finding that elusive grown-up job made the top of my list. After classes began, this strange mix of excitement and abject terror became my default mood. In addition to that, as spring is the season of applications, I unsurprisingly sensed the same emotional imbalance of my peers. Every student I know is applying to internships, grad schools, jobs or some combination of the three. Competition is fierce, and even the most high achieving are worried that they won’t measure up.
Interestingly, women are believed to harbor more self-doubt than men and often underestimate their academic and professional achievements. This idea is highlighted in The Atlantic article cleverly titled “The Confidence Gap.” Personally, I have witnessed this trend amongst my peers; young men have unfaltering certainty in their abilities and assuredness of their success. When presented with an opportunity, men often say that it was well earned through hard work and sacrifice, while women are more inclined to attribute success to luck or support from others. This piece is most specifically speaking to the cold corporate world, where women are fighting to represent a larger percentage of high-earning jobs. In a college context, our self-doubt and professional insecurities inevitably lead to a cycle of underestimation, missed opportunity and withered self confidence.
Of course, I can only speak to my own personal self-doubt and that of my friends, but as more powerful women dismiss their success as “just lucky I guess”, it becomes clear that there is a subtle but present system of devaluation in place. The same trend that leads female CEOs and news correspondents to dismiss their accomplishments causes college-aged women to lower their expectations. We decide not to apply to that big internship because we’re not qualified or good enough, so why bother? Or, when we put ourselves out there, we expect to be rejected and have no confidence in our ability to gain recognition.
Usually, I like to think of myself as a confident person. Last semester, I detailed some of my issues with body confidence, but I always separated that from my confidence in my professional skills. This semester, as I embarked on the worrisome task of internship applications, I began to notice that under the surface of that crumbling confidence was an ocean of doubt and insecurity. Internship applications (or for grad school, jobs, etc.) are unavoidably stressful, but not the dreadful, Herculean effort they appeared to me. I found it increasingly difficult to “sell myself” in cover letters, which often is what makes you stand out from the mountain of identical resumes. Even though most of my applications required writing samples, I lacked the confidence that my work—something I value highly—would impress anyone, let alone incite them to hire me.
This is not distinctly a female problem, but it is irrefutably present among women. Our inability to be firm and confident in our work is not only holding us back in the workplace, but also in our own regard. This is not to say that women should adopt a haughty egotistical arrogance, or even an optimistic naiveté, but an assurance that your hard work, talent and ability provided you with opportunities and will continue to do so. This mantra is one that I’ve adopted to guide me through this next year of growth and change. It may seem difficult, or even arrogant, to affirm your skills, but in the semester of applications, and in this world of “selling yourself,” it becomes imperative for your professional career to do so—for now, at least in those cover letters. But even more so, this confidence is key to having a positive self-image. Quit with the disparaging remarks about your papers, your part-time job and your worth. Just being here, actively educating yourself and thinking about your future is doing something productive and valuable, not to mention all of those other awesome extracurricular activities we brush to the side as “nothing important.”
I continually remind myself of the things I have achieved and remain confident and hopeful that I will be appreciated, respected and valued for my abilities in any future work endeavors, and I will refuse to defer my success to others.
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