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I Tested My Week Against 3 Horoscopes, & Here’s What I Learned

Astrology has always played a small role in my life. If I’m bored, I’ll click through Cosmopolitan’s Snapchat story and read my horoscope. I’ll take it with a grain of salt and then not think about it again. Now and then I’ll hear a friend say something like, “He is such an Aries” or “I bet she’s a Taurus.” I’ll smile and nod my head and pretend like I have any idea what that means. I decided to read my weekly horoscope from three different publications starting on Feb. 12 through Feb. 18 to see how my week compared to them. To be fair, I looked at these horoscopes after my week, so I wouldn’t be trying to find comparisons as the days went on.

A little introduction on my part: I’m a Libra. This means I was born within the time frame of September 24 to October 23. According to Astrology-Online, as a Libra, I am apparently “diplomatic,” “urbane,” (I had to look that one up — it means suave) “romantic” and “charming.” These are qualities any person would love to say they possess, but it seems to me like this astrology website likes to feed my ego without any factual basis. If you want to find out more about your astrological sign check out this link.          

     

1. Cosmopolitan Australia

I started out with a weekly horoscope from Cosmopolitan’s Australian website. If you’re wondering why I used Cosmopolitan Australia, it is because the American version of Cosmopolitan only had a one-sentence horoscope, while Australia’s horoscope was a few paragraphs. This was their horoscope for Libras for the week of February 12:

“You can’t really avoid talking about health, lifestyle, fitness and your physical state when you have a stellium in Pisces like this. If you read your stars regularly, I’m sure you know that Pisces rules how you deal with health issues and how you deal with them. We have a huge amount of the all-important asteroids alongside Neptune and Chiron in Pisces at the moment. If ever there was a case of ‘failure to see’ it’s this week. We have an eclipse which always obscures what is obvious. Libra, this week is very much about seeing that your head space affects your physical body, as well as learning how it does or does not serve you at the moment. The key is that word ‘serve’ because you have to drill down very deep to understand what a particular condition is doing for you. This goes way beyond the physical into issues like your state of mind; depression; anxiety. It can go into other mind, body and spirit related areas like ‘soldiering on’ and being stoic. You won’t this week, but what you can certainly do is get out of your habitual physical state long enough to realise how you might otherwise operate in the world. When I see Chiron, Ops, Neptune, Diana, Panacea, Aesculapia, Venus and the Moon all in your Sixth House of constitution, physical condition and routine, I have to be honest about what might actually be going on.”

I’m going to be real here and admit that I don’t know what half of this is saying. Cosmo assumed that I had copious amounts of prior knowledge of astrology, and as I said before, I don’t. What I got from the horoscope is that I can’t let my mindset affect my physical self. In the sense that the week of Feb. 12 was a rough one mentally, I agree. Besides the week having been filled with more work than usual, it also happened to be the week of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas tragedy. I think that week had a lot of people in a rough state of mind. I appreciated that this horoscope gives you the advice to step out of yourself and find a new way to look at things. Overall, this horoscope is the most detailed of all the ones I read and did give some insight into my week.

2. Elite Daily

The next horoscope came from Elite Daily, an online publication. This was their horoscope for Libras for the week of Feb. 12:

“You’re probably having the best time of all the zodiac signs this month, Libra. This week is no exception. Occurring in your 5th house of pleasure, the solar eclipse is likely going to feel like the climax of all your creative energy. You’ll feel like anything is possible — too possible. Try not to get carried away with big plans and try not to travel. This eclipse disturbs Mercury and Jupiter in your chart, so let’s plan to do that hike across the Pacific Crest Trail some other time.”

This horoscope was quite different from the other horoscopes, in saying that I’d be having the best week out of all the other horoscopes. It mentions a lot of free-flowing creative energy, but I couldn’t quite pin that feeling down in my week. I did feel a bit creative when writing my last article, which involved a few outfit creations. Unfortunately, they were right about not traveling that weekend. Which is a little strange, because I had been planning on taking a small trip that weekend – it just hadn’t worked out. Elite Daily’s horoscope was concise and vague, which made it easier for me to connect my week to what my horoscope said would happen. Something tells me that isn’t a coincidence.

3. The Cut

This last horoscope comes from The Cut, a section of New York Magazine. This was their horoscope for Libras for the week of Feb. 12:

“You’re so wise in the ways of other people; you’re able to see so clearly the stops and starts, the twists and changes in their lives. Remember that you don’t have to see yourself with that kind of sharpness. Your knowledge of yourself is made of a stranger, more delicate material. You have access to a deep dreamy magic, and sometimes it’s hard to know where the dreams end and where the solid world begins. But remember, clarity isn’t the only truth.”

This horoscope reads more like a fortune cookie than an actual horoscope. It was strangely mystical and made up of a lot of fluff. I understand the horoscopes don’t come from facts, but they do usually have some kind backing for their reasoning. Both Cosmo and Elite Daily had astrological reasoning for their “fortunes.” The Cut, however, had no rhyme or reason for their assessment of my week. This was the most vague horoscope of them all, yet I still can’t find a way to connect it my week. I think it’s safe to say The Cut isn’t the place to go if you want a real horoscope.

All three of these horoscopes were ambiguous, but that’s the point. For the most part, I could connect some part of my week to what the horoscope said was going to happen or how I was going to feel. I think reading your horoscope can be entertaining and maybe a little enlightening. Going back through my horoscopes for the week made me re-examine what I went through, both the good parts and the bad. I remembered trivial things that made me smile as well as things that are better left in the past.

In the end, a little self-reflection isn’t such a terrible thing. Besides, horoscopes are meant to be fun. Who doesn’t like feeling like they have a little control over how their week turns out? 

Michaela is a third-year journalism major at the University of Florida and is currently majoring in journalism. You can find her soaking up the Florida sun at the beach, shopping at a thrift store, or in the front row of a local band's show. Her friends, good coffee and a book are one of the many things that keep her smiling every day. 
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