Whenever I have a friend who needs logistical help, I always know what to do. Whether it is fixing a flat tire, making plans or just helping with grocery shopping, I pride myself on being a person that my friends can turn to. However, it becomes a whole new mountain to climb when it comes to emotional support.
I have always struggled with knowing what advice or support will actually make people feel better, especially when it comes to consoling a friend after a breakup. I tend to speak about how my friend can do “so much better,” but ultimately, that is invalidating their feelings instead of providing the comfort that they need. This is why I decided to delve into some research to right my wrongs. Turns out, I am not the only one who struggles with this, as many of my friends have shared the same sentiments, as well.
With so many people I know struggling to know how to support their friends, I have decided to compile a short list of small ways you can help support your friend in their emotional time of need.
- Do a nice thing
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I am not talking about anything expensive or difficult to do, but a nice gesture for your friend will go a long way in making your friend feel loved and supported during their difficult time. Whether it is buying them a coffee or cooking them a meal, they will appreciate that they know that their friend cares. Plus, a little pick-me-up can put a smile on their face, even when it is least expected.
- Be there for them
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Sometimes, it is most helpful to just be there for your friend, whether it is a movie night with other friends or just a chance to talk it all out over a bag of popcorn. If they are going through a difficult time, they likely will not want to leave their house, so go the extra mile by dropping by to check in on your friend.
- Validate their emotions
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Sometimes, we don’t want solutions to our problems. Sometimes, we just want a comforting presence to listen to us vent it all out. Piggybacking off the previous step, this is the point where you come in. There is no need to provide advice, solutions or commentary. Instead, all you need to do is listen attentively and be comforting while your friend talks about their concerns or fears.
- Make sure to give them space
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While providing comfort is nice, there is a fine line between helping and making the situation worse. If you have asked your friend if they want company and they say “no,” do not take it personally. Everyone deals with struggles in different ways, so try to be as accepting and sensitive as you can during this time.
- Ask how you can help
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It may seem awkward at first, but sometimes asking how you can help your friend is the best course of action. As I stated above, people deal with their emotions in different ways, so asking is the best solution to the question of how to best provide support. After all, you would be able to hear exactly what they need to feel better instead of just guessing.
- Avoid passing judgement
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It is easy to get mad at the evil ex or the snobby classmate, but now is not the time to make your own feelings known. Passing judgement or saying negative things to your friend will not help the situation. If anything, it will make it worse. So, do yourself a favor and try to keep any angry or negative emotions out of the conversation.
I hope these tips will help you in your future endeavors when trying to comfort friends in their time of need. However, one thing that is not always discussed is maintaining your boundaries during this process. It is easy (especially for me) to become concentrated on helping your friend that you neglect yourself. To avoid that, make sure to make time for yourself and don’t be afraid to recruit your other mutual friends for support if you feel too overwhelmed. There is nothing wrong with seeking help from other friends in this matter if it becomes too overwhelming. After all, you cannot truly help anyone until you have helped yourself.
If the emotional toll that your friend is experiencing is too severe, or you are afraid that your friend is suffering more than they can navigate, it might be a good idea to help them look into potential options for attending therapy or talking to a professional about their concerns if they want to. Never take on more than you can handle, especially when it comes to both you and your friend’s emotional health.