A few weeks ago, I went on a walk with a friend to talk about our various frustrations and recent challenges in life. We both were struggling with different burdens and found ourselves feeling really disillusioned with so many things in life. Halfway through our walk, it started to rain. Fat droplets of water fell from the sky out of nowhere, forcing us to run and take shelter under a tree, the only thing nearby. We both started to complain, frustrated not only with life, but now the weather too. But just as soon as the rain had begun, the sky cleared and the sun re-emerged from behind the clouds. In a random burst of poeticness, I likened the events to life. Sure, rain is going to come every once in a while, and soak us to the bone. But no storm lasts forever: the sun is always bound to come out afterwards. When we looked at it through this lens, the dampness of our clothes no longer seemed so miserable. We’ve all weathered storms before, and we can surely weather them again. How else can we learn to appreciate the sunshine if we don’t have rain every once in a while?
From this encounter, I began to gather pieces of advice that helped me flip my mindset from its typical negative, self-deprecating way and into something more positive and forgiving. Whether you’re feeling a bit lost, or simply want to change your outlook on life for the better, I hope these tips can provide you the same comfort and relief as they did for me.
- Observe the emotion, appreciate it and move on.
Feeling the whole range of emotions we’re capable of is a hallmark of human experience, but too often I find myself wallowing in the less than favorable emotions for much longer than I’d like. By realizing that I can observe what I’m feeling and then take a step back to appreciate what I’m feeling, I’m better able to process things and move on. It’s important to appreciate all we feel, because it shows we’re capable of depth and complexity – though it’s also important not to linger in the negative for too long.
- You cannot know how high the highs are without experiencing how low the lows are.
Trust me, the lows really suck. But, they set a standard for you to realize how great the other parts of life are. With this perspective, I’ve found a bit more forgiveness for myself when I’m feeling down, since it’s a reminder that life has its amazing moments and that it won’t always be like this.
- In no book does the main character get what they want immediately.
You’ve got to experience the trials and tribulations of life as it unfolds, not just skip ahead to the good parts. The hardest treks are often the most rewarding. Let your journey reflect your growth, change and development, and be grateful for the chance you’ve been given to grow into the person you are now, as well as to grow into the person you are destined to become.
- Give yourself some grace!
This is your first time going through life, of course you’re going to mess up and make mistakes. Just think of how far you’ve already come and how much you’ve accomplished. Simply being alive is a huge feat in and of itself, so be gentle to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over the small things, and practice showing yourself compassion and forgiveness – you’re only human after all.
- Be the person your younger self would think is cool.
Go after those hopes and dreams you once had and make your inner child proud. I can guarantee they’d think you’re so cool and would dream of being just like you when they grow up. If you’re saying no they wouldn’t, then what are you waiting for? Go after what you want in life – if not for yourself, then for the younger version of you.
- We’re specks of dust on a floating rock.
Though this can lead to a bit of existentialism, it’s important to put into perspective how relatively minor our lives are in the grand scheme of things. We’re but a blip in time for the universe: so why not do whatever will make you happy? Life’s too short to worry about what others think (easier said than done, I know) or to waste a second doing something that makes you unhappy.
- Think because of, not in spite of.
This one deals a lot with interpersonal relationships and reminding yourself that people love you not in spite of your flaws, but because of all the things that make you, well, you. You are so much more than the messy parts, because every part of you goes into what makes you special and unique.
- After everything, you’re still standing. Whatever today brings, you can tackle that too.
No one got you to today but yourself – you’re more capable than you know, and you can get through whatever life decides to throw your way. Believe in your own strength.
- Don’t let anyone rob you of a single second of joy.
As someone who is affected by pretty much everything, this is something I find myself repeating constantly. You can choose to let the actions of other people and random occurrences get you down and rob you of happiness, or you can choose to reframe your mind to find joy and appreciation – even for the negative things. By making a conscious effort not to let factors out of your control affect you, you can choose how you feel about things and not let them ruin your day. Focus on the things you can control and let go of what you can’t. But again – easier said than done.
- Not now doesn’t mean not ever.
When I’m bummed that something didn’t work out or that I couldn’t do something, I try to remind myself that just because it didn’t happen this time, doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen. This way of thinking can help cope with the feelings of rejection and help redirect focus towards making sure that the future will hold all you want it to.
- It’s not your job to make everyone happy.
This one was very hard for the people pleaser in me to come to terms with, but at the end of the day, it’s your mind you have to live in. Look after yourself first, because if you’re not going to do it, no one will. On a similar note, people don’t automatically hate you for no reason. And if for some odd reason someone does, it’s a reflection on them, not you.
- Every choice is a portal, not an ending.
We’ve all heard the adage, “When one door closes, another one opens.” While this may be true, choices aren’t as solid as a door closing. They’re fluid and ever-changing, leading you towards the person you’re meant to become and taking the next step forward on your path in life. Just because something didn’t work out the way you wanted it to doesn’t mean that all is lost – it simply means something else is in store that might just be better than you could’ve ever imagined.
- What is meant to be will happen.
You can’t force the universe, nor can you force a connection. Though the reasons may not always be so clear, everything happens for a reason. Trust in the universe – it has big things in store for you. It’s not the easiest thing to remember when you’re in the thick of struggle or stagnation, but you’ve got to believe that the universe has a plan for you, regardless of whether or not you can see it at the time.
- Comparison is the thief of joy.
Everyone’s journey is different, and no two people have the same path in life. Nobody has it all figured out, even if it looks like they do – so focus on being the best version of yourself you can possibly be. It’s easy to look online and think you’re behind everyone else, or that other people are “doing better” than you are. But at the end of the day, social media is fake, and you’re blazing your own path forward in life independent of anyone else’s progress.
- Don’t linger on the past – you’re not going that way.
I’ve often been told the windshield is huge and the rearview mirror is tiny – a metaphor to explain that we must focus on the future and all that is still to come rather than looking back to the past. While it’s easy to overthink and linger on things that’ve happened, we can’t stay stuck in the prison of the past – it was a lesson, not a life sentence. Focus on what is yet to come – and just because things could’ve been different doesn’t mean they would’ve been better.
- Life is beautiful, and you do have time.
Finding beauty and joy in the little things is an easy way to gain appreciation for the life we’re fortunate enough to live. Whether that’s stopping to appreciate the trees you walk past every day on the way to class, or romanticizing acts like making a cup of coffee in the morning, taking a moment to slow down and feel grateful for all the small things that make life special can really help you to find joy every single day. It’s an active decision you must make, but it’s one that can fundamentally reshape your mindset towards the positive.
- People come and go. Those who are meant to be will stay.
I heard a quote once that said “be as weird as you want – the wrong people might leave the party but the right ones will join the dance,” and it drastically helped me with the anxiety I used to feel after every social interaction, wondering if people secretly thought I was too much, or annoying. But at the end of the day, I can only be myself – and though that may mean some people won’t stick around, the quality ones you really want will join in on the fun, making your life so full you don’t even notice the absence of people who didn’t care for the real you.
- Sometimes things have to fall apart before they can be rearranged to fit perfectly in place.
Change can be scary, but it’s how we grow. Even though it sometimes may feel as though the world is against you, these things need to happen so the next phase of your life can begin. You cannot become who you want to be by remaining who you are – and sometimes that means a total upheaval.
- Bad days are okay – it’s a bad day, not a bad life.
I repeat this one in my head quite often, when a day just continuously gets worse and I’m left hopeless by the end of it. Even if it seems like the bad day has turned into a bad week, it doesn’t define you or your life. You have the power to make it good again, but it’s okay to have a bad day every once in a while. Appreciate it for showing you how great your other days are, and know that better days are to follow.
- Do not let the things that have hurt you turn you into a person you are not.
It can be easy to let the thoughts and opinions of others affect how we act, but it would be such a shame for you to lose things that so many people love about you because of someone else. Don’t let people rob you of your kindness, or society rob you of your quirks. You’re meant to be unique, and distinctly you – so don’t let anyone dictate what that looks like or take away from the things you love about yourself.
- This too shall pass.
Bringing it back to the rainstorm, nothing will last forever. It can be incredibly freeing when you realize that things are only temporary, and that change lies right around the bend. Even tough times will eventually pass – as they have every time before.
Hopefully some of these tenets have found resonance with you, or at the very least helped you to reframe some of your thinking. While it’s hard to always remind yourself of these things, they’ve truly been instrumental in helping me to change my mindset for the better and find increased joy in day-to-day living. At the end of the day, we’re only human – filled with flaws, emotions and more complexity than any of us could hope to fully comprehend. Be gentle and kind to yourself, and trust in the universe. The best is yet to come.