Forever Alone: My Experience as a “Single Since Birth” Woman

Cuffing season is upon us. The weather has dropped significantly, the pumpkin spice lattes are out in full bloom and there are couples appearing literally everywhere. For those of us “single since birth” ladies, it can be hard seeing your friends with their new significant other, while you’re out searching for love that just isn’t there. People have told me “it just isn’t your time,” or “you’ll find love eventually,” but that just isn’t enough for me.

Is there something wrong with me? What do those girls have to offer that I don’t? It can be hard to not compare yourself to others. Are they prettier than me? Do they dress better than me? Is my personality lacking? I’m here to tell you that these are all legitimate questions that you shouldn’t feel bad about for asking yourself. I tend to ask myself these questions often. I hate comparing myself to other girls, but when you go to such a big university with thousands of available bachelors, it’s hard to wonder why you aren’t seen as favorable. Here’s my experience as a collegiette who’s been single since birth and wants to be in a relationship already.

I recently got into Tinder and Bumble after having Tinder since the beginning of this year (but never using it). My excuse to others for never swiping right was, “I’m just using it to check out who’s in the area.” I was actually just afraid of rejection.

Prior to using Tinder, I has never been on a date. Actually, I was never even asked out on a date before using Tinder. My first kiss was even with my first Tinder date. All those little steps into the dating world that most of my friends experienced in middle or high school were things I didn’t experience until last month at 19 years old in my second year of college.

It just seems so uncommon to me and honestly makes me feel terrible for just recently having that little taste of dating. Maybe it’s because all of my friends have personally been on dates before, but I just felt so bad about never even feeling an ounce of “love” or affection from a guy until recently.

Maybe I’m just old school, but I don’t really like the idea of online dating and using dating apps. Yes, I still use them, but I find the system of modern dating so annoying. The lack of face-to -face communication, at least in my experience, is not how I pictured dating growing up. I always hoped to befriend someone, fall in love, be asked out on a date (I’d ask a guy out myself if I wasn’t so shy) and the rest just unfolds naturally.

The general concept of Bumble is pretty cool because it allows women to take initiative and filter out any guy she may not be interested in by swiping right and then messaging first if they match. I like that idea, but in practice it just isn’t very effective in my experience. I’ve matched with a few guys on Bumble who never respond in time before the 24-hour limit has passed. In this case, that means the match goes away. On the bright side, I don’t have to worry about talking to a guy who isn’t interested in me, but it’s annoying because it just wastes my time in my opinion.

Related: Here's How Bumble is Changing the Dating Game

I’m very selective about who I swipe right on. Of course, I’m not going to deny that looks are a huge factor because that’s basically all I have to judge a guy on from his dating profile. After I swipe through a potential match’s photos and decide he’s attractive, I look at their bio. Most of the time, I either encounter a cheesy overused pickup line or quote, or just nothing at all. Some men don’t even bother to write a short bio about themselves. I don’t know if it’s the writer in me or what, but I don’t find it very hard to describe yourself and your interests in a few short characters. If you truly care about finding a potential match to date, then I say that it’s necessary to put in that work.

This is partially why online dating is so annoying for me. But in this modern world we live in, dating apps are virtually the only way to find potential significant others. There are those lucky few who find love amongst their friend groups and honestly, that’s where I’m trying to be. Due to my lack of dating experience and my desire to be in a relationship already, I haven’t been very happy lately. The fact that it’s cuffing season doesn’t make it any easier either.

I know — I don’t necessarily need a significant other to be happy. I understand that point of view, but sadly that’s not where I’m at quite yet. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy with my life and how it’s going. I love my friends, my family, my education and more, but I just wish I had a love life of some sort. I want to explore that side of me, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not desperate for love, but I just feel like I’m past due. I’ve been on this Earth for 19 years, and to those who have had significant others, that may not seem like a big deal, but it feels like forever for women like me.

I also slightly feel pressured by society to get a boyfriend to be happy. I also would like a significant other myself, but I feel like society has engrained in me that I somehow need a lover to be happy. It may be the countless love stories and teen dramas I watch in movies or on TV, but regardless it has set this idea in me that I need to find love before I get too old. I have friends that are engaged at 21, and friends that just had a baby at 19. All I’m longing for is to find a significant other who’s respectful and caring and isn’t looking for a fling. This is difficult in college, I know. Hookup culture is strong in college, but there are definitely guys out there who feel the same way I do. The question is, where are they hiding?

Rant aside, I’ve just been longing for some sort of companion; someone to love as more than a friend. I know I shouldn’t rush into anything, and that love usually happens unexpectedly, but when will my time come? I’ve been on this Earth for almost two decades, and I’ve been patiently waiting for the right guy to come around. Here’s to all the ladies out there who feel the same way I do. I know it’s been said before, but please just hold on. You may find love in the most unexpected place. It may be tomorrow, weeks from now or years from now, but it will happen.

You are a catch, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. You deserve love, and you will find love, just please hold on a little longer. For now, let’s try to enjoy our #SingleSinceBirth status. You may feel “forever alone,” but I promise, you will experience love. This cuffing season, cuddle up with your stuffed animal in your pajamas, sip a pumpkin spice latte and watch Netflix alone. Enjoy the single life while you can, because according to my friends in a relationship, you’ll miss it.