Graduating early sounded like the dream until it actually happened. I’m twenty, a semester away from being officially done with college and somehow feel like I’m behind everyone else. Everyone keeps asking what’s next, and I smile like I have a plan when really, I’m just trying to remember what day it is and if I remembered to eat breakfast (I did today. It was a bowl of cereal with honey drizzled on top).
I’ve been reading self-help books and doing guided poetry practices to “find inner peace.” Spoiler alert: it’s not working. Apparently, peace doesn’t come from journaling about my emotions in a coffee shop. Who knew?
Everyone around me seems to be diving headfirst into their careers or talking about grad school, and I’m over here staring into space, wondering if I should start a LinkedIn newsletter or just take a nap. I’m trying to figure out who I am aside from the constant rhythm of classes and deadlines, and honestly, it’s harder than I thought.
Sometimes I talk to random people about their jobs, just to see if adulthood ever starts to make sense. I’ll ask a cashier or a barista if they like what they do. Half of them say yes with a smile, and the other half look like I just reminded them they forgot to clock out. It’s comforting, knowing no one really has it all figured out.
After much observation and investigation, adulthood feels like a group project where everyone got the instructions but me. I keep waiting for that “aha” moment where things begin to click, but maybe that moment doesn’t actually exist. Maybe it’s just a bunch of trial and error mixed with caffeine and the delirium of pretending you know what you’re doing.
So here’s to the early grads who feel late to everything else. To the ones trying to grow up without losing their spark. To the ones Googling “how to be an adult” at 2 a.m. while eating cereal straight from the box. We’re figuring it out in our own way, one minor existential crisis at a time!