Are Senior Citizens Having More Sex Than Us?

The sex legends of college aren’t always what they seem, but they may be true for the retirement communities of Florida.

According to the Orlando Sentinel, “Among those 55 and older, the reported cases of syphilis and chlamydia increased 71 percent in that same five-year period.” Now, Medicare is considering having coverage for STD screening for seniors.

As much as you don’t want to picture it, there can only be one cause behind the STDs: that’s right, old people are having enough sex to be passing syphilis around faster than the average college frat boy.

If you think that’s disturbing, you might want to close your eyes for this one. Zion Market research reported that the erectile dysfunction market is a $4.82 billion industry with an expected generated revenue of $7.10 billion by the end of 2024. So, not only is the generation of make-love-not-war making lots of love, but it’s having sex on drugs.

Allegedly, in The Villages, a retirement community in central Florida, the senior citizens are so advanced in their sex-capades that they’ve devised a decorative golf cart system. They adorn their carts with colors appropriate to their level of comfort in sexual matters. I’m not sure what the color red signifies, but I’m not sticking around long enough to find out.

Not even college campuses have come up with such elaborate schemes. However, during non-pandemic times, we know that college students have systems of their setup to indicate that they’re in prime mating season. Some make it obvious with a Tinder bio that says “nothing serious,” while others are a little more subtle.

Whatever the students at Florida State University are doing, it’s working. According to a Leon County (where FSU is located) had the highest rates of gonorrhea, chlamydia and bacterial STDs in Florida. Upon further review, it appears that college students in both Leon and Alachua county had more counts of gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis than the 55-100 age range. Therefore, senior citizens are not contracting more STDs than college students. The answer to our question, “Are senior citizens having more sex than us?” might be no. However, whether you’re a college student or a senior citizen, it’s important to get regular STD testing either way.

According to Healthline, Medicare will cover the cost of STD testing once per year if you meet the requirements. If you’re over the age of 65, the requirement is that you are “high-risk” during sexual practices, like having multiple sex partners or having sex without a condom.

For other places to get tested, you can check out the Florida Health Department website for local locations.

If you’re unsure about how often you should get tested, the National Coalition for Sexual Health has a useful guide based on your sexual activity. One suggestion in the guide states that if you’re just starting a relationship, both partners should get tested for STDs as soon as possible. Despite the suggestion, not everyone enjoys getting tested.

“They hurt and they suck,” said Adam James, a 23-year-old man who engages in casual sex regularly. He gets tested once a month. On how long the test takes, he said, “It only takes 30 minutes.”

OK, enough talk about STDs. Just remember that abstinence is the most realistic and easy option—just kidding! But don’t let your partner talk you out of safe sex. The old people of Florida aren’t good at that.

Here’s one last traumatizing statistic: the National Council on Aging found that almost half of Americans age 60 and over have sex at least once a month. Do you?

It’s been a solitary, lonely year for a lot of people, and you just found out your grandma is probably having more sex than you. Sorry.