Recently, I had to ask my work supervisor for a letter of recommendation. Even though I had been working for her for a year and a half, and we are on great terms, I was so nervous to ask. My palms were sweaty, and my heart raced while I tried to phrase it in the least awkward way possible. Instead, I ended up spewing garbled words that barely made sense, but she was able to interpret because she knows me so well. I then proceeded to thank her 40 times and offer ways I could do more work for the office. Sound familiar?
Maybe it was when you had to go to office hours before that major test or when you dared to raise your hand in a 300 person physics lecture, but either way, you have been absolutely terrified to speak up. It doesn’t even matter if you have an intelligent question or response. Even if you are confident in what you are about to say, just the fact that the other person is a professor or employer creates a power gap that can leave you in a bundle of nerves.
This doesn’t end in college — NPR research has shown that men are four times more likely to ask for a raise than women. NPR also found that women in the workplace are too intimidated to haggle with their boss for a higher pay, so they often wait to be offered a better position or pay. However, that almost never comes.
So how do we become better advocates for ourselves, in college and our future workplaces? I’ve compiled some tips below that may work for you. We are all different, so I cannot guarantee you will feel confident in these matters right away, but with time you will be the girl boss you deserve.
- Practice the situation in the mirror or with your BFF
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The old adage ‘practice makes perfect’ is true. Personally, I prepare a ‘script’ in my head before I approach my professor or boss, so I am prepared for what to say. The less “ums,” the better. While having a script ahead of time is great, it may be more beneficial to play out the situation. Ask your BFF or parent to pretend to be the person you are approaching, and role play the situation. While it doesn’t recreate the situation perfectly, since you are comfortable around your friend, it will allow you to practice reacting to different responses.
Instead of winging it the day of, go in knowing that you have seen multiple ways the situation may play out, and you are prepared every outcome. Doing this will make you feel more confident in approaching your professor during office hours or asking for a promotion.
- Tackle your imposter syndrome
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If I had a dollar for every time I faced imposter syndrome, I’d be a millionaire. The good thing is that it’s totally normal, and we are not alone. Even if you have been taking classes in that subject for a year, or know your job inside and out, it can be hard to realize how far you have come. Instead, you may always think of yourself as you were when you just started and aren’t qualified to be asking for more. Trust me, you are more qualified than you think.
- Know your worth (and sell it!)
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That brings me to my next point: you have to know how to sell yourself. You may always be punctual or go above and beyond, but unless you present these qualities to your professor or boss, they aren’t going to remember. Don’t be bashful! Make sure he or she knows that you are working hard to move forward. Bonus points if you can provide specific examples that your professor or boss can recall. Obviously don’t be arrogant, but make sure he or she knows that you mean business.
If you are asking for a letter of recommendation from a professor, provide a resume that showcases your achievements and a short blurb (think cover letter) about yourself if they don’t know you that well. Or, if you’re asking for a raise, make sure your boss remembers that time you went above and beyond for a customer or submitted a project day early.
- Make your nervous energy productive
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A new tip I have learned is to turn nervous energy into fuel for success. When I am nervous, I tend to fidget or talk way too much because I have so much built-up energy. If I know I have something nerve wracking in the next couple of hours, I do a quick cardio session or simply walk around the building to let it out. Simply walking around outside for five minutes works wonders on my frame of mind and gives me relaxed confidence. I have started to do this before big tests or presentations with staggering results.
- Do whatever makes you feel confident
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Do you have a pair of socks you wear to ace a test or a lipstick shade that always gets you the job? Now is the time to bring those back out. Even though asking for a raise or going to office hours for the first time isn’t equivalent to a big exam, having that one small comfort will work wonders. Personally, going that extra mile to wear my favorite pair of shoes or stopping for my lucky coffee from Dunkin’ ensures I will be successful in whatever I do.
Hopefully these tips will help the next time you struggle with nerves around your professor or boss. Your nerves will never completely go away, but these tips should allow you to be confident in the moment. Go be the girl boss you know you are!