10 Lessons I Learned from My Past Relationship

When it comes to relationships and dating, things aren’t always as picturesque as they seem in the movies. Relationships take work. They take effort. They aren’t always easy. Sadly, they don’t always last, but that’s okay. Over time, I have learned my fair share of hard but necessary life lessons from my past relationships. Here’s what I have to say about it.

  1. 1. Good communication is key

    This is so important. You have to be able to talk things out in a relationship. Don’t just talk about typical, mundane topics. In a solid relationship, you have to be able to share your concerns with your partner. Talk about each other’s feelings on kids, future endeavors and financial issues. While these topics may seem scary to open up to someone about, you and your partner must be willing enough to talk about them. It’s crucial.

  2. 2. You shouldn’t have to beg someone for their presence

    If they want to be spending time with you, they would be. It’s as simple as that. One thing I tended to do for my ex was to make excuses for him. Thinking “Oh, he’s probably just busy” or “Maybe he’s too tired to hang out.” You should never have to ask someone to spend time with you, it should be a mutual thing. If they wanted to be there, then they certainly would. I know it’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s true.

  3. 3. Never change who you are for your partner’s benefit

    One thing I would tend to do in my old relationship was to change who I was to please my partner. If he liked more outgoing girls, I would act more outgoing and extroverted — even though I was extremely introverted and being outgoing was a constant fear of mine. You should never feel pressured to change how you act for anyone, even someone you love. If your partner loves you, he or she will accept you for who you are and they will love all of your faults. Period.

  4. 4. Once a cheater, always a cheater

    Yep. My one fault is that I try to see the best in people, even if they’ve made huge mistakes. One thing I learned is that you can’t change someone, even if you so badly want to. Your partner is allowed to make their own decisions and if they choose to cheat, then that’s on them. Not you. Please, never blame yourself for someone else’s poor choices. Hopefully, they’ll learn that they lost the best thing they ever had.

  5. 5. Some friendships are better left platonic

    This is one thing I wish I had known. I always had great friendships with my male friends. So, after a while I wanted that friendship to turn into something more. If we were best friends, then surely we’d be great partners. I thought. That’s not always the case. Not every friendship has to be anything more than what it is. Be thankful you have a great friend. It doesn’t always have to become a romantic thing.

  6. 6. You both need separate lives

    Your life is not (and shouldn’t be) an exact replica of your significant other’s. You are still your own person. Remember your passions, your hobbies and what makes you happy. Of course, you can share these things with your partner and talk about them. But don’t be afraid to spend time alone every once in a while. Your entire life shouldn’t revolve around your relationship. That’s just not realistic.

  7. 7. Money does affect relationships

    As much as I hate the aspect of finances, they are such a huge part of our lives and our relationships. If you and your partner are stressed about finances, that certainly can start to reflect in your relationship. There’s also the concern of what to do with money when in a relationship. Who pays for what? Do you pay for a certain amount of date nights then switch who pays after a certain amount of dates? Financial stress is certainly a cause of relationship strains. But it doesn’t always have to be. Just be open with your partner about monetary issues from the very beginning. It’ll be worth it.

  8. 8. Even the best people will let you down

    Breakups suck. There’s really nothing else to say about them. Feeling hurt or betrayed by someone you once cared about is one of the worst feelings. Especially when you didn’t see it coming. Even if you think you know everything about a person, people can still disappoint you. Don’t take it personally. It’s not on you to feel guilty about it.

  9. 9. You are worthy and still loved

    Even if it doesn’t feel like it, you are so worthy of love. In the really rough times during my breakup, what helped me stay happy was knowing that I had so many supportive people that still showed up for me — like my friends and my family. They were all there for me when I thought no one would be. It’s important to remember that you are so worthy of so much love in this world. You’ll see.

  10. 10. One failed relationship does not define your future ones

    If there was one thing I learned from my past relationship, it’s that my future is still so bright. Love is tricky. It can be scary and when it fails, it might feel like the worst experience ever. A failed relationship does not mean that you have failed. It means that you still have the opportunity to experience love again. To fall in love with someone again. Be ready for that and be open to the new chapter in your life.

Overall, I think love isn’t a black and white thing. What’s important is that we know what we deserve, we treat our partners with kindness and compassion, we show up for love and we give our relationships our all. We need to love with our whole heart. All of us deserve love in every aspect of life. Here’s to love — the best thing about life.