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Sex + Relationships

How to get rid of toxic people

You aren’t the only person if you think you have been affected by unwanted negative vibes from people. Some people wouldn’t even know that they are surrounded by toxicity. That is why it is important to be aware of your social circle and the people who have access to your personal space. But that’s the thing, toxic people have such an alluring grasp over our everyday mentalities that we may even doubt our own instincts in support of their roles in our lives. Rest assured. We live in a highly competitive generation where narcissism takes over one’s soul and thoughts of overpowering a group or an individual’s mind to display superior prowess overshadows sincerity and genuine friendship. I am here to tell you that you are not alone and here are some steps to distance yourself from the negativity you do not need now, or ever:


Step 1: Notice that some people are ‘Toxic’

A true companion will never allow you to brood over things that perplex you or ties your mind in knots. Toxic people lead you on to think of many things they assist you in perceiving just so they have that reassuring command in your life. Toxic people will never openly disclose their intentions or be transparent about their own journey. Their goal is to keep you fascinated with the aura of mystery as they want you to explore their superficiality by feeding their hidden egos, by holding onto their shoulders for cries, companionship and news. They always talk about themselves, their talents (real or fake), their activities and their lives. They do not bother to know about you and in instances where you do talk about yourself, they will either patronise you or bring you over to the negative side of the road. Be careful. These mechanisms are hard to pick up but a culprit never leaves without dropping their clues. The sudden change of tones in conversations, the change of moods and their way of the game will hold it down only for so long.


Step 2: Pay close attention to their actions towards you

Toxicity is manipulation. Toxic people will never actually help you or a take real interest in your matters. They are in for a ride and they might as well take you one for it. They will feed on your insecurities, your fears and your secrets. However, you cannot and should not blame yourself. They are attracted to your soul that shines so bright, it dims their vision and in defense, they must retaliate by bringing you down. Your kindness is their path to your heart, your knowledge is their dictionary and your friendship/relationship their medium of moral corruption and an exhaustive life role, that they will exclusively reserve for you. They will call you up when they are in need, but will disappear when you need them. They are intrusive and offer you advise that is not healthy or relatable. In most instances, they pretend to care for your woes but intend on seeing a continuation of them while they fuel your sorrows without you knowing. This itself is a heavy burden on your mental health and personal wellbeing, someone lurking behind you to pull you down.

Step 3: Distance Yourself

Other than the logical signs and the hours of overthinking, you will be able to know once you question your happiness while in the company of a particular person. Ask yourself whether them being around inflates your soul or deflates your mind. Does their presence sadden you or compels you to seek out another way to calm yourself down? These are the warning signs: no friendship or relationship should ever feel forced or orchestrated for ulterior motives. You are worth more anyone trying to steal your sunshine. You cannot allow yourself to fall into the hole another person is trying to push you into. It is hard to distance yourself from people you thought were genuine friends, as we all need and want great interpersonal relationships. However, this distancing is very important as removing a toxic person from your own personal space should never reflect their imposing effect. Go your way, you are meant to walk it. Toxic people enter your life with the belief that they are what you’ve been waiting for. They come with the illusion that they will cure your insecurities, relieve you of your worries and look down on you. Someone who cares, will never try to save you. Remember that. I have always believed that relationships and friendships come into your life with a meaning and purpose. If that meaning is to save or help you, I am here to tell you; they can’t save a warrior!

UCT Student. Fiery and studious. Carefree yet calculative. A free spirit roaming to spread the word, any word. Proud feminist, living humanist. A regal gypsy fairy. Sophisticated Bohemian.
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