[bf_image id="4t65fxb97hnk8q6tshnnwmh"] For many years, a goal of mine was to start up a YouTube channel. I didn’t know why I wanted to start one or what my videos would even be about. However, during the height of the pandemic in 2020 I finally decided to start. Honestly, I didn’t have anything better to do so I thought “why not?”.
I started off as a K-pop music review/reaction channel. I had a lot of fun because I love k-pop and discovering new music. I wanted to react to the new songs coming out, so that allowed me to discover more groups and artists, ones that I would not usually listen to myself. I loved that about filming reaction videos. At the same time, I was able to interact with people from different fandoms and create friendships through that content.
It’s been about 7 months since I started and honestly it’s been a little difficult. There are times where I am still embarrassed to tell my friends and family. I would post on my Instagram here and there (and really only on my private story). When my parents brought it up at family gatherings I would make them stop talking. I did so much to hide it from my friends and was low-key embarrassed because I was afraid they would think “wow she’s just trying to be famous”. But, I realized that if I like the content that I’m posting, why should I be embarrassed to talk about it? That is when I started posting every week when a new video was posted. I just recently started posting on Facebook about my channel, too. There are times where I still feel a little self conscious but that is a normal human behavior, so I try not to let it get to me.
Another difficult aspect of YouTube is when I work hard on making content and the views don’t go up and people don’t subscribe. I see other small YouTubers doing the same things as me and they get many views and have tons of subscribers. When I see that, it’s very discouraging. I’ve talked to other small content creators and they say that it takes time. You just need that one video to blow up. I definitely understand that, but as a human it still hurts. There is a pain where I started comparing myself to other creators. I had thoughts of “am I not pretty enough? I don’t have the right body type.”All of my own negativity produced negativity towards physical things about myself. I started to feel self conscious and started to care about how I look, but for the wrong reasons. I started to dress differently, put on more makeup, etc to impress other people. But the truth is, if I don’t believe myself to be beautiful first, how are others supposed to see it? I need to see and project my own self confidence before others say anything about it. That is when my mindset about YouTube started to change.
After those big thoughts, I decided to switch up my content and that is when I was reminded why I started up a channel again. It was for myself...not for the approval of others but for my own enjoyment. I genuinely enjoy showing people what I do in my life. It started from Instagram where I post the food I eat, the places I go, the concerts I go to, etc. I love showing people these things because it was a fun experience for me and possibly can be a future experience for them. I also consider it an electronic journal, rather than writing down all my experiences (which I do from time to time), when I post a video or photo on my Instagram (through post or story) it will stay with me forever. I can look back on it and see what I did and relive those moments. Doing YouTube is just that, but with more content. Filming myself outside in front of people is still scary, but it’s something I can get over because I love making content.
At the end of the day this YouTube channel is for me. I’ve been able to connect with other creators and get genuine support from my family and friends. To see them talking about my content has been such an encouragement.
I hope those that follow my YouTube journey can see the heart I put into my content and genuinely love what I put out there. Thank you to those that have followed me and continue to enjoy my content! I cannot wait to grow more as a creator and see where it takes me!
The link to my channel is below! If you would like to check it out, please do so ~