There comes a day in every woman’s life when she has some kind of mystery torment going on in her magical lady place. Whether it’s a new mole, a STD scare attributed to last night’s new boink, or the all too familiar itchy hell that is a yeast infection, sometimes it is simply wiser to suck it up and pay a visit to our frenemy, the terror, that is our gyno. Although insuring that our vaginas are healthy is without a doubt crucial, there are still too many reasons to choose from why the gynecologist is a friend we love to hate.
1. The see-through little vest
Let’s not kid anyone, that piece of paper doesn’t cover a thing! Though come to think of it, I suppose that’s what it’s supposed to do.
2. Lying spread eagle isn’t as fun as it sounds
What? You want to spread my legs even more and scoot down so you can really put your face in my vagina? Yep, that’s great, I’m not in the least bit uncomfortable.
3. Having to ponder how much you should groom
All the way, none, just a bit? It’s not like it’s a date with that hottie you met at Starbucks, so why go through the trouble? I really haven’t an idea, but I guess I’ll shave anyway.
4. The small talk in between your legs
Never mind that your Doctor’s face is so close to something we all hold so dear, but it just seems odd to speak with someone about the paper you have due in this particular position. I don’t care what you say, It’s worse than having your dentist talk to you with all her/his little torture devices in your mouth.
5. Being stabbed by the cold steel clamps of a Speculum
Is there really a more horrible feeling? This thing has seriously been around since 1840’s (I wish I was kidding)! They’re seriously a benign form of torture. Just coming in to see the gel and the horrifyingly huge pliers just waiting for you on the little rolling table is enough to make a girl want to make a run for it!
6. The struggle of trying not to fart while being examined
Oh, you want me to relax and stop clenching? Might be wise to get your face away from in between my legs first.
7. Having a stranger looking at your vagina is uncomfortable, period.
Especially is you have a male gyno, which you got because the person you made your appointment with clearly didn’t hear you say, “make sure the doctor is a woman” seventy-eight times, Also, at this point you’ve scratched so much you’re afraid your vagina might break into a million particles of dust if you so much as pat it.
8. In the end, it’s a necessary evil.
Although we all seriously hate it, for the reasons mentioned above and for all the endless ones you have undoubtedly conjured up in your mind, it’s something that needs to happen. Wondering and looking up possible causes for whatever problem you’re having is never a smart choice, especially when considering certain conditions get worse the longer they go untreated. In reality, all great things come with a price, and occasional visits to the gyno is a small price to to pay for the awesomeness that is our part of our womanhood.