If you’re anything like me, you’ll read anything that has romance in it — even if it’s an incredibly minor subplot in a high fantasy book trilogy. Young Adult (YA) romance within novels and films have been incredibly popular among teenage girls, and much like my peers who were invested in fandoms, “ships,” and fanfiction when I was at that age, I also jumped on the bandwagon. We “fangirls” obsessed over various characters and stories — I remember when I was in my Divergent phase, I’d constantly take online aptitude tests (I kept wishing I’d get Dauntless).
Now, with the film adaptation of The Hunger Games prequel, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, coming out this Friday, I was reminded of how fun it was to be a part of a community that shared my intense interest for YA romance. However, the more I reflected on my favorite YA books, the more I realized how many of them placed toxic relationships on a pedestal.
For instance, the Shatter Me books by Tahereh Mafi was one of my favorite series to read. It centers around a young woman named Juliette Ferrars whose touch is fatal, and because of this, she’s kept encaged by a man named Aaron Warner whose intentions with her aren’t quite clear. One of her primary desires is to reunite with a man named Adam; she sees him in a romantic light because her touch doesn’t have any effect on him, as he’s an opportunity to be free of her own curse. The premise is interesting because of the natural tension Mafi builds with the “no touch” situation, but over the course of the series, the books take a significant shift. Instead of building on the relationship between Juliette and Adam, Mafi leans into the enemies-to-lovers trope with Warner instead.
Thirteen-year-old me loved the drama when it came to this twist, but was it really something to be applauded for? Mafi enticed readers by creating a sad backstory for Warner’s character, noting him as a tragically misunderstood character who was always around the wrong people (i.e. his toxic father). Over the course of the series, Juliette proves to be the person who can change him and reveal a softer side to him despite the terrible actions he’s committed. While redemption arcs can add a complex layer to a story, was it worth it to reward a character who imprisoned and tortured the main character by making him the primary love interest? Sounds kind of backwards, no?
Despite the obvious red flags like his possessiveness and temper, there were a lot of readers who loved Warner’s character, and admittedly, I did too. There was something about the dark, broken archetype that drew me in. Maybe it was the melodrama and the thrill of ditching Adam for Warner, or maybe I’ve just got a soft spot for his personal struggles and sympathized with him. Either way, looking back on it, it only makes me wonder why this is such a recurring trope in many YA romance books that I read growing up. What’s the intrigue with toxic men and the glorification of abusive relationships? And why is it predominantly sold to younger audiences?
For one thing, when portrayals of these types of relationships are constantly reinforced in media — whether it’s intentional or not — it begins to normalize abusive relationships. Younger audiences are most vulnerable to this reshaping of what a “good” relationship is, and the danger comes into play when these same readers find themselves in romantic relationships without the ability to identify any potential red flags. And with the rise of Booktok, the increasing demand for enemies-to-lovers recommendations keeps growing higher by the minute, reinforcing the allure for destructive or morally gray men.
Additionally, as noted in The Metro, the possessiveness that many of these toxic characters have attract women because of the fact that misogyny is inherently ingrained within our society. Clinical sexologist and therapist, Ness Cooper delves into this issue within Metro‘s article, stating that “for a long time women were taught to respond to certain male dominant behaviors even when they crossed into toxicity…they become internalized into us…”
Books from authors like Colleen Hoover or Stephanie Meyer feature characters that verbally, physically, and emotionally abuse the female protagonists, but still find ways to redeem themselves through their looks, social status, and other common attractive features in order to maintain the character’s appeal. In the end, these types of stories only do more damage than good. This is why I think that the YA romance genre needs to veer from these harmful tropes and focus more on the healthy components of a romantic relationship while not relying so much on toxicity purely for more drama and intrigue.
Readers want to see genuine love in these fictional landscapes, not a narrative where women fall back into the arms of their romanticized abusers. It’s important that writers remember how much influence stories have on younger audiences, so I strongly feel that there must be a change in the way romance is presented in both YA and other types of media.