Everyone always talks about the excitement of the next chapter of life once you graduate. Whether that means going to graduate school, stepping into a new exciting job, interning to gain experience, or even just moving back home to regroup and explore options. Your identity begins to change.
But nobody ever talks about the anxiety of letting go, which is required to get to that change. In order to become who you want to be in the next 5, 10, or 20 years, the person you are right now must essentially end in one way or another.
Throughout my educational career, there was always something I was working toward. Graduating from high school, attending community college, and transferring to a university were goals throughout my life that have ultimately led me to where I am now. A point in my life where I feel as though I no longer have an end destination.
The Post-Grad Safety Net
Whether you are a freshman starting your college career or a senior about to walk across that stage, we all inevitably have anxiety about what is to come next. More recently, this idea has been at the forefront of my mind. But, with that comes this gut feeling that post-grad, my life will be unpredictable, because what my life was going to be like after college that was set in stone a week ago, is now no longer part of the plan.
Many people are fortunate enough to have this “landing pad” after college, where moving home is an option, but for other people, this isn’t part of the equation. I fully believe that being thrown into a problem is the best way to solve it, but that doesn’t mean it will feel good to do so.
This feeling of the unknown is a physical sensation in which the internal compass I have always followed suddenly recalibrates to a world that no longer has an end in sight. After graduation, the syllabi disappear, your structure of life completely shifts, and what we have known for 16 years of our educational careers is no longer the priority of our lives.
So, the challenge now that many graduates will face is the question: “What’s next”?
But my true and honest answer to this is: I don’t know.
There is a beauty in the unknown, of letting life take the wheel and trusting that the universe has this plan for you. But this doesn’t mean it’s time to relax and hope it all works out. People don’t succeed by watching the time pass by; they go into the world and make it their own.
But that is harder said than done, trust me, I know.
This deeply rooted feeling we all may have isn’t weakness, but a natural mourning of a period of our past selves we will likely never get back, while also fighting with the decision of who we will be in our futures. But it is important, in this vital time of transformation, that we give ourselves grace.
The Idea of Liminality
I have recently read about the idea of liminality, or the uncomfortable, “mid-air” state when you have to let go of one identity, but haven’t quite grasped onto the next one. This idea is explored as a natural progression of life that people don’t quite acknowledge or understand as much as they should.
When we begin to embrace these truths that appear in this limbo-state of life, only then can we feel free from the restrictions that we felt when we denied them.
Change is difficult; it makes our stomachs twist and turn, we go flush, we stutter, we pause, we crash out. But, no change in life can be so frightening to the point where people can become stuck in routines or relationships that are physically and mentally exhausting.
Why? Because the alternative is unfamiliar and so unknown to them, staying is the only option in their mind.
However, life is designed to be ever-evolving. We, as lifeforms on Earth, are always changing.
How To Cope With Change in Identity
There is no one-size-fits-all when overcoming change and transition. However, there are practices we can introduce into our lives that will help ease the anxiety that comes with the inevitable.
- Reframe fear and anxiety as growth: View changes as opportunities for development rather than threats to your safety.
- Focus on what you can control: Identify actionable steps you can take, accept that some elements are outside of your control, and focus on the ones that are in your control.
- Visualize positives: Imagine successful outcomes to combat the brain’s natural negativity bias.
- Embrace imperfections: Be patient with yourself during the transition; you do not need to have all the answers immediately.
- Give yourself freedom from comparison: Oftentimes, we are our own worst enemy. When we compare ourselves to others, we think we are “behind.” Release yourself from this mindset because others’ growth does not mirror your own.
Growth is never linear. There will never be a first-class ticket to success. These challenges we face, the anxiety and fear we feel, and even the state of the unknown of what is next, do not determine the end of the road. It is what we do with the lessons we learn that will push us through these times where we simply just don’t know.
As you begin to think, remember that change is a sign of growth. When you learn to adapt and walk into new experiences with an open mind, you will be rewarded with some of the most amazing memories, skills, and lessons you will ever get.
Your mindset is everything. Don’t let it hold you back from the dreams you want to accomplish.