While I wouldn’t necessarily say our leaves are changing or snow is starting to fall, in a very Santa Barbara fashion it is undeniably getting rainier, and flip-flops are starting to be replaced by UGGs for the trek to class. As time and seasons change, so does behavior, and more recently than ever is my social media filled with new relationship hard-launches, and I.V. dotted with sweet couples clutching matching seasonal drinks from Starbucks smelling like peppermint and gingerbread. In short, it’s the annual arrival of cuffing season!
Popularised by SZA’s skit with SNL about finding a partner to brave the cold winter months with, “cuffing season” refers to the broader cultural phenomenon of budding relationships starting just in time for the holidays.
In my nineteen years, I’ve never had a boyfriend. Candidly, I can’t really say I’ve ever particularly wanted one, but it’d be a lie to say I didn’t feel a little down when I see happy couples around the holidays. It just seems so cozy to have a boyfriend to go to the pumpkin patch with, drink cider, watch my favorite Christmas movies with, and exchange gifts with.
I don’t think I’m alone in that sentiment around this time of year. While it can be a point of insecurity, or sadness, I don’t think it needs to be. I have a lot of cynical opinions about young love, which I won’t entirely get into today, but I do think there is merit in the belief that at this young point in our lives, much of the comfort you would receive from a significant other, can be found in the form of something else: friendship.
When people yearn for a relationship this time of year, often (not always, but often), it is for the novelty of what one can do with a boyfriend. It’s about “couple” activities, warmth, connection, and of course, love. Love isn’t strictly romantic though, as we’re all aware: I am filled with love, and while that love may not be for a boyfriend, I am brimming with it for my friends.
Moreover, even as a southern-California girl through and through who has never experienced a White Christmas once, this season is still one of my favorites for the joyous themed activities I get to do with my friends. So, next time you’re feeling a little down in the dumps about not having a Mr. Claus to your Mrs., here’s a list of some of my favorite things to do with my friends that cultivate winter spirit and emulates the comfort you might be searching for!
- Matching pjs! I only recently got into long, cozy sets, but they are so comfy and perfect for chilly nights. My friends and I recently all got matching Target sets when they were on sale, and now we’ve already had multiple nights in our cute sets, sipping cocoa and watching movies. If you’re looking for some good sets, check out Target (the striped and skier ones are my personal favorites), Old Navy (my family’s tradition is to get a new pair from here every year and open them on Christmas Eve), or Victoria’s Secret (this is perfect for Black Friday shopping for good deals).
- Another classic is to go and see Christmas lights! Religious or not, I think people that go all out to decorate are so festive and really sets the mood right. Back home in San Diego, there’s a neighborhood just down the street for me that’s known for its extravagant displays, and every night of December there’s massive lines of cars and swarms of people strolling the streets, buying popcorn and cookies at bake sales, posing for pictures at displays, and riding carriage rides fit with draft horses and sleighs. Any time my friends and I were bored in high school, we’d bundle up and go people-watch. By now, I’ve practically memorized every house, and it’s so nostalgic to walk up and down the streets practically frozen in time. This year, I can’t wait to go back and check it out again!
- Take a fun, festive class or workshop. My friends and I recently went to a chocolate making class at Twenty-Four Blackbirds Chocolate as a sisterhood event for our sorority, Alpha Phi, and it was the most amazing way to get in the holiday spirit. We blasted carols on the way there, and got to hang out and chat while making some delicious chocolate. It was so wholesome and sweet, and a great way of getting out of I.V. to do something different.
- It’s not the holidays without a gift exchange. Who needs a burr basket from a boy or girlfriend when you can give presents to your friends? My friends and I have been doing traditions of Secret Santa and White Elephant for years, and it’s an excellent way of expressing your appreciation for your loved ones while giving an ode to inside jokes or your favorite shared memories. To spice up your presents this year, try doing different themes! I love the concept of a “favorites party,” where each person brings a copy of their favorite product or knickknack for everyone in the group. Some of my favorite skincare, makeup, accessories, school supplies, collectables etc. come from my observing my friends, and I think it’s a great way of sharing a piece of your favorite things with your favorite people. Or, a Jellycat exchange! My friends and I still sleep with stuffed animals every night, and giving a new friend for the holidays is so sweet and thoughtful. As a crafty (and broke) college student, some of my favorite gifts are little mementos for my friends. Between scrapbooks, patchwork clothes, watercolor paintings, and crocheted clothing, making gifts is a cost-effective way of spending time and energy making something for your friends to enjoy.
- Volunteering locally! They don’t call it the season of giving for nothing. Spend some time on a day off or weekend picking up trash, participating in a clothing drive, adopting a dog for a few hours, or organizing food at a food bank to remind yourself that the holidays are about togetherness and community in all forms. Growing up, my mom worked in a senior retirement community, and some of my fondest holiday memories are from helping her residents build gingerbread houses or paint Christmas reindeer. A relationship this winter doesn’t have to be romantic to be rewarding!
In today’s digital world especially, I can get so caught up in trends and comparison to others that I lose sight of what this season is about. Sure, kissing someone under the mistletoe would be nice, but fostering friendships and getting closer to others in my community who are equally seeking connection and help is just as fulfilling a way of getting comfort and joy this holiday season.
In short, oftentimes I get so caught up in the novelty of having a whirlwind winter romance to realize that I can participate in every “couple-y” activity this winter with my friends and family. Don’t feel down about yourself; go put on some fuzzy socks and suck on a candy cane while watching a Harry Potter movie marathon with your friends instead! Turn the holidays from a point of jealousy, into motivation for romanticizing even the littlest of moments with yourself and every other relationship you have.