Being raised by an almond mom meant keeping my fingers clean of Hot Cheeto dust, retreating to bed with a grumbling stomach paired with defeated looks at our snack-less cabinets, and a love-hate relationship with trail mix— the ones without any M&Ms, of course.
Potato chips were for cheat days that never seemed to roll around, fast food was forbidden fruit, and actual fruit was always a must. Ever since I was young, I received comments about my physical appearance from my mom, and she always kept a close eye on my diet. Since then, it has affected my relationship with food.
Sundays with my ‘almond mom’
I had always despised Sundays.
Sundays were for grocery shopping, or better known to me as shopping solely in the produce section. Used to the shameful glares and judgmental comments after holding up a box of sugary cereal or sodium-ridden chips, I always sulked by the snack aisles. Like Gatsby and his parties, I too kept my pantry open in the hopes of it being filled with snacks I wanted.
Yearly diet fads consumed us, such as the keto diet or her brown rice obsession. I didn’t look forward to dinner time, because it usually involved subpar food with an unwarranted lecture about food and watching my weight.
Sundays were also laundry days. In our laundry room, we had a scale that sat menacingly in the corner. Every weekend, as my clothes turned round and round, I would watch the number on the scale go up or down. It was with great disdain that the numbers were somehow never as low as I wanted them to be.
away from home
Even away from home, her warning voice has stayed with me. Especially coming into college with the allure of all-you-can-eat dining halls, I grew afraid of lunch and dinner, imagining her sitting disappointedly across from me.
Fortunately, though, I could never brave a meal by myself. I was always accompanied by at least one friend — perhaps they were more like a chaperone.
It was without fail that they would shoot me a worried look or offer to share their food with me. I kept denying them, stubborn with my single bowl of salad, until I realized that there was more to good health than just a restrictive diet.
Once I came to college, my friends showed me the ropes of the gym. I have grown to love dedicating a couple of hours of each day to lifting weights and doing low-intensity cardio.
Going to the gym and looking for progress meant changing my diet. I incorporated more protein but made sure that I had my fair share of vegetables and fruits every day. Nutrition facts were no longer must-reads and computed numbers but encouraging guidelines.
Living without (and still with) the Nutjob
Now, while diet does play a role in keeping in good health, here are some reminders that I keep to myself that you may or may not find useful!
Health has many different aspects to it, including physical, mental, and emotional well-being, not just body size or weight. I have found a better relationship with food when I focus on nutritional value, variety, and moderation of food rather than simply labeling food as “good” or “bad”.
Food has many functions, rather than just weight management, and it is important to learn how certain foods can support brain function, the regulation of my mood, and even immune support.
Bodies are much more than their shape. We are versatile in varying in strength, mobility, or endurance, which may take different forms in different people. I try my best to refrain from comparison and rather use other people as inspiration than as an image to berate myself with.
It’s okay to slip up in trying to keep a certain diet as well. Healthy eating isn’t about being perfect but about building sustainable habits over time.
Most importantly, I advocate for centering myself on well-being, not weight.
This article in no way is to shame my mother for how she raised me. Cultural and societal factors play a great role in our attitudes. She gave me a good basis for being sure to have a well-balanced diet but also had some things worth leaving in the past.
I know my journey with my weight will still be one that I battle with until I’m old, but I believe that I have a better understanding of how to dampen harmful habits and cultivate healthy eating tendencies.