So… Valentine’s Day is coming up, and you’re single.
I can’t lie, I have never been the biggest fan of the holiday. The typical reasons too: the holiday is kind of capitalistic and cheesy. I often see couples feel the burdens of gift-giving or making it special for their partners. It can be unauthentic, materialistic.
The most important factor, however, is that I happen to also be single.
As much as females alike might attempt to spin the holiday to be in honor of girlhood and friendship (which I love, by the way), Valentine’s Day will always be focused on couples and being in a relationship. With that comes many consequences while being single.
The Hard Part About Being Single
For most of my life, the concept of love was a major part of my life. I was in love with the idea of being in love. I yearned for the feelings of excitement and adoration. I wanted to feel my heart beat a little faster and for my cheeks to get hot.
The tension, the exchanged glances, the nerve-wracking feeling you get when someone you’re attracted to might just like you back. I was obsessed. So, with that, it became a major trajectory amongst my other goals. I liked multiple people, tried starting a relationship with them, texted back and forth. I just didn’t want to be single anymore.
…Yet, despite my efforts, I have only dated one person in all eighteen years of my life, and the relationship only lasted for a little over a year.
Look, I know this might be no big deal. I’m young, still have a lot of time to meet new people, especially with starting college. However, I’d like to think I’m attractive and lovable and sexy. I have great qualities that should be admired and it’s hard for me to believe nobody is interested.
I struggled with this greatly. I didn’t understand why I, amongst the billions of people on Earth, didn’t gain any attention from others. I didn’t understand why I had to pursue people first or try to get others to like me. That’s the hard part about being single: you feel like you can’t be loved.
I have this feeling other people experienced this too.
Oftentimes, especially in the media, we see content pushed onto us about how great it is to be in a relationship. Valentine’s Day is obviously when this becomes most prominent. We see couples kiss and hold hands. Posts about extravagant gifts or beautiful bouquets given by their partners. Sentimental stories about how couples came together. Movies and shows that romanticize the idea of falling in love. Women especially pushed to find a husband since the dawn of time. It’s everywhere, inescapable almost.
So, when you don’t fit the picture and turn out alone, it hurts.
But, That’s Okay
I’ve journaled a lot throughout my life. Small anecdotes whenever my feelings grow too strong and I struggle to cope. Whenever I look back on my entries or notes, I notice a common issue that’s strung along my words.
I felt like I wasn’t deserving of love, and therefore I was diminishing my value as a person.
I grew up with separated parents. Whether I want to believe it or not, it has impacted my perspective on love. I saw romance movies and stories as an escapism because ultimately, I felt depraved of the love I was missing from not seeing one of my parents as often. I wanted to date someone so badly because I had already been struggling with friendships all throughout my life. I thought that someone being in love with me could save me like the stories I had heard. I mean, romance is everywhere. Social media, film, real life interactions. As I said, it’s hard to ignore.
I realized that I was viewing myself as single equating to being worth less. It was as if my value as a person was determined by whether a guy was attracted to me or how long I could be in a relationship for. I was so fixated on this idea I needed to be in love for my life to complete. By dropping that idea, I was free.
There is nothing wrong with being single. There is nothing wrong with being alone on Valentine’s Day or treating it like any other day. There is also nothing wrong with being in a relationship or enjoying the holiday to its fullest. What matters is that you, as a person, understand your worth.
People, single or not, are deserving of being loved in their own ways. This doesn’t mean you need to be dating someone. I found myself being surrounded by love in the small ways, like when my friends want to hang out or when my mom texts me from back home. I saw the beauty in couples without comparing them to myself, rather admiring them for being able to find “the one”. It’s still hard: there are days I feel especially alone. However, I take it one step at a time, reminding myself that I’m not less for being single.
So, to the readers: you may be single this Valentine’s Day season. Or, you could be in a loving relationship and have an amazing month. Regardless, the important thing is understanding that you are worth love and have value as a person.
As such, I hope you can enjoy this upcoming week with a fresh mindset, and see the beauty in being single the way I have.