A Love Letter To Long-Distance Lovers: The Art Of Loving At A Distance

I’m sitting outside Dart Coffee, sipping on an iced citrus cardamom latte, overlooking the Santa Barbara Harbor, listening to Olivia Dean’s voice echoing through my AirPods. If there’s one thing I’ve learned this quarter, it’s that languid, sun-soaked moments like these are rare, and also the very things that cause my mind to slip into melancholy when I remember that I’m about 100 miles away from my boyfriend. But like Olivia Dean says, “It’s the art of loving,” and I’ll gladly go about my days, counting down until the next time I get to see him. 

Distance can create a world of issues when it’s preventing the unparalleled intimacy of being at arms length from the one you love. Constantly planning around busy schedules, calculating time zones, and creating new communication habits can discourage anyone from pursuing a coast-to-coast romance.

Even if you’re doing all the right things, communication without meeting physical needs can feel incomplete. I would be lying if I told you it’s easy, but after being in one for this long, I can confidently say that I have experience in exploring the positives of being so far away. 

I think it’s so important to remember the intention behind loving your special someone. If you’re committed to a lifetime, you’re committed to every kind of crest or current your relationship is bound to endure. But, I’m not here to tell you that it’ll all be worth it in the end (even though it will), I’m here to help you find new ways to get through the quiet nights and the tearful “see you laters”. 

the “crests and currents” of long-distance

Distance doesn’t have to be harder than it already is, but it’s natural to long for someone who isn’t physically there. It’s natural to miss their scent, their touch, and the comfort of their presence when you’re going about your day without them. It feels like your heart is beating just a little slower, out of sync with a rhythm it can’t create alone.

Since teleportation has yet to be invented, I suggest trying to see the good in what seems to be the worst possible scenario for your relationship. 

Why being “out of sync” is okay

Looking back at the time we’ve spent together, I’ve realized that because I enjoy his presence so much, I tend to neglect the tasks I think to be more mundane. The simplicity and stillness of grocery runs, quiet reading corners, and self-care can get lost in the all-consuming excitement of loving.

But, if there’s one thing long-distance has taught me, it’s that there’s a kind of freedom in being apart. And no, that’s not to say I enjoy being away from my boyfriend, but rather, it’s an appreciation for the time I get to devote to other priorities. 

ROmanticizing your independence

The distance between you can also contribute to more sentimental moments as they become less frequent the further you move away. You’re able to cherish unassuming outings and indulge in your love while it visits from a faraway place. 

Believe it or not, the lack of physical proximity benefits your long-term communication skills. When you’re constantly relying on only a digital version of your partner, you’re more likely to develop emotional transparency, having to articulate your silent needs into words that create comfort.

rethinking quantity over quality

The love that you long for should be nurtured by the both of you, which in turn, asks for quantity over quality, tending to your emotional needs through text check-ins with each other throughout the day. You’re likely to think that a love like yours should prioritize the quality of your communication habits, relying on FaceTime to replace the physical gravity of their presence.

However, the quantity of your calls can recreate the feeling you’re trying to so hard to capture, bridging the gap between your temporary separation. In my experience, It’s the 3-minute calls, catching up on each other’s activities, allowing us to maintain a sense of closeness as we pretend to be only a mile away.

Citrus, Cardomom, and Compassion

It’s easy to get discouraged, and it’s even easier to let your mind slip into melancholy, as nothing can quite truly compare to the physical warmth and comfort the person you love can bring. You’re not going to get through this season without feeling the weight of your distance at least once. But, if you can remind yourself that there is a beauty in waiting for a lifetime, then you’re already building a foundation that can weather any distance. 

Let Olivia Dean’s voice remind you to take advantage of this time and be “Nice to Each Other,” as you navigate afternoons of lonely languid coffee dates, soaking up the sun, waiting for the next time you’re embraced by their love. It’s not easy, but if I can make moments out of miles, then every latte is only a love letter I’m writing to our future. And that is worth a million miles to me.

• long-distance
• love
• relationships
• romance
• romanticizinglife
• selflove