Mother’s Day annually serves as a day for us to celebrate the incredible women who have helped mold us into who we are today.
They gave us life, most importantly, but then spent day after day caring for us. It’s more than just making meals, or putting us to bed, or changing us when we’re too young to do it ourselves. It’s more than driving us to school, or ensuring we eat our vegetables, or showing up for sports games even when we barely know how to play.
Moms teach us lessons that stick with us for the rest of our lives. We carry them as we graduate high school, move to college, and meet new people. We’ll carry them when we move to new cities after college and start our own lives and jobs.
This Mother’s Day, I’m celebrating my mom not with flowers and a note — although that’s never a bad idea — but by sharing 12 lessons she’s instilled in me that have carried me through every season of my life.
1. change is a good thing
Growing up (and even still to this day), I struggled immensely with change.
The end of a school year or dance season, it felt like the end of a world. I felt like I was losing a part of myself, even though I was actually just moving through completely normal and common stages of life. My mom assured me of this over and over. Change is a natural part of life, she’d tell me.
It could be hard, or uncomfortable, but it wouldn’t always be that way, and the only way to get through it was to embrace it.
The end of the school year is looming over me now, and I continually remind myself of this lesson. It might not be easy, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. It’s just different.
2. forgiveness is for you, not them
In high school, I went through a pretty terrible friendship breakup that completely soured my senior year. I lost people I’d known for years, and for years after, I would still feel so incredibly bitter and angry any time I thought of that period of my life.
But at some point, the anger became exhausting.
When I saw their posts on social media or scrolled past our old pictures, I didn’t have it in me to feel so distraught. I remember telling my mom about these feelings, because it didn’t feel right to let them off the hook for something that had impacted me for so long.
My mom was the one who told me that forgiving them didn’t absolve them of what they did, it just allowed me to move on. I could finally be more at peace with something that had haunted me for much longer than I thought it would.
I don’t see them when I go home, because we’ve moved into different phases of life, but I can at least see their posts or bump into them without my stomach dropping into my gut. And I call that a win.
3. Spend the money on the experience (and then enjoy the hell out of it)
I know it’s a very common feeling to worry about expenses, especially in college. Saving as much as possible is usually the goal for many people, myself included, but sometimes it’s important to spend money in order to gain experiences outside of our campus (or sometimes, even on campus!).
Concerts, excursions, roadtrips, spring break trips — all of these things might not seem necessary, but my mom has taught me that some things are worth spending a little more on. Maybe don’t buy that drink from the Arbor if you don’t absolutely need it, but go see your favorite artist live, because you might never get that chance again.
My mom made sure to mention that if you’re going to spend the money, don’t grovel about it later.
Because yes, those concert tickets were probably a little expensive. But when you’re at the concert, you better not be thinking about that. You better be taking pictures and singing your heart out and enjoying every second.
Don’t let the lost money haunt you, or you’ll ruin the fun entirely.
4. always add spice or garlic
“When in doubt, add spice or garlic,” my mom once joked to me when I asked for cooking tips.
She wasn’t actually joking, though. It seems silly, but adding one or the other is more likely than not going to make your dish better.
So when I’m not sure how to season my meal, I usually stick to my mom’s advice and throw some spice or garlic in there to avoid a tasteless dish.
5. be open to all doors
Sometimes, life takes you down unexpected roads. You might think you have everything figured out, and a curve ball is thrown that completely throws you off the course you had in your head.
When this happens, there are two options. You can fight to get back where you wanted, or accept that maybe these new plans could benefit you, too. I didn’t get into my dream college, I haven’t done everything I thought I would while here, and I’ve had major medical issues throughout my life that are impossible to plan for.
And yet, I’m still here. I’ve found joy and inspiration in places I didn’t expect.
“Just go for it,” my mom said. “You think you’ll hate something, but you might just love it.”
6. everything in moderation
My mom didn’t restrict things, but she always advised that my brother and I understood that some things needed limits. Yes, we could have dessert after dinner (basically every night of the week), but we needed vegetables too.
We could spend the night with friends and stay up until the sun rose, but we had to make sure we got our homework done the next day, and got enough sleep for the upcoming week.
We could try any sport we wanted, but school still came first.
She was never really saying no so much as saying yes, but.
I think that approach has always been something I’ve tried to follow. I’ve taken on a lot in college, but I’ve continually made sure that it was never more than I could handle.
7. unpack right after a trip
The worst part about coming home from vacation is unpacking. I think most people can agree on that. You just want to lay in your own bed and unwind after a travel day, neglecting any and all chores that are part of your daily life at home.
But I’ve always found that if you don’t unpack right away, your suitcase will sit there and stare at you for days on end. So just get it done before your head ever hits the pillow. Throw everything in the wash, put your toiletries away, and reshelve your shoes.
You’ll feel better when it’s done. My mom swears by it.
8. try new things
I used to be so scared to branch out and do something unknown because I didn’t want to “fail”. I didn’t want to be bad at it or feel like I wasted my time or carve out the energy to throw myself into something I’d never done before. But that’s the beauty of trying new things. You have to do them scared.
And usually, you find out that it wasn’t so bad after all.
My sophomore year, I joined a sorority on campus. I was absolutely petrified on my first day of rush, so I called my mom and she assured me that 1.) it was normal to be scared and 2.) I’d be letting myself down if I didn’t at least give it a go. And of course, she was right.
Through my sorority I’ve found a confidence I never had in high school, I’ve met friends who have made college the most magical experience, and I’ve been able to impact a greater community through our philanthropy efforts (I even serve as our Fundraising Director now!)
9. ask for help when you need it
I recently had a coworker ask if I was an only child because I was “so independent”.
I’ve honestly never considered myself overly independent; of course I can be self sufficient but I rely often on friends and family. It’s something my equally (if not more) independent mother has consistently told me to do.
Whether you’re going through a rough day, or need an essay checked, or need motivation to get outside (one of my best friends here was a key part of getting me to start training for my half marathon), or would prefer someone to take you to the airport instead of getting an Uber, your inner circle is there.
You don’t have to do it all by yourself.
Whether I’ve been stressed for a midterm, or homesick, or need inspiration for a new meal to cook, or need advice (hence the article!), my mom has been there.
For as long as I can remember, she’s been instrumental in the reason I’ve been able to do so much throughout my life. She took me from school, to dance, to soccer over and over again. She brought me food when I had a long practice day. She let me sleep through the night for years while my diabetes alarms woke her up.
I’m endlessly grateful I’ve always had her to lean on when I need it, and more importantly, even when I don’t think I need it.
10. eat breakfast for dinner once in a while
There is honestly nothing like breakfast for dinner, and I will die on that hill.
When I make breakfast, I’m usually short on time and just scramble some eggs, butter some toast, and call it a day.
The beautiful thing about breakfast for dinner is you probably have more time, and therefore get a better meal. Pancakes, bacon, waffles, fruit, eggs, the whole shabang. The world’s your oyster.
Breakfast for dinner was kind of a delicacy growing up. Now, it’s nostalgic more than anything, and a reminder of home.
11. sometimes, you’ve got to wing it
“Oftentimes,” my mom said while I was on the phone with her recently, “we talk ourselves out of something before ever giving ourselves a chance to try.”
We are our own worst critics, and I know personally, I have to feel like everything is lined up perfectly for me to attempt something that’s out of the ordinary. I have these incredibly high expectations I set for myself, and if I don’t meet them, I stop myself, denying myself permission to just give it a shot.
Sometimes, you can’t think about it. You honestly just have to do it. This may sound a little redundant, but I suppose it’s a recurring mantra in my life thanks to my mom.
She’s a whole lot braver and more adventurous than I am, so I usually just try to think “what would Mom do?”
12. tell your girls how much you love them
It’s so easy to get swept up in the daily go, go, go of life, especially in college. Between classes, jobs, clubs and organizations, the sometimes frantic social life of UCSB, and the constant looming threat of not having a job lined up, it’s hard to take a pause and acknowledge the support system which allows us to feel somewhat stable amidst the sea of chaos.
Even when making plans can be difficult due to midterms or hours at work, it’s important to remind your friends that you love and appreciate them.
I’ve always been a very emotional person, and I’m very open with my emotions, so it’s not hard for me to do this. But in my busy weeks when I feel like I’m being tugged from one obligation to the next, I have to remind myself to make time for my girls.
They have been there through my highest highs and lowest lows, available when I just want a night in, an In-N-Out run, or a vent session. There are many times where I feel like I have to face a problem alone before remembering that that’s what best friends are for. So you can share the sorrow, and double your joy.
And finally, this piece of advice is from me.
Don’t forget to let your mom know how much you love her.