It’s often hard to separate who we are to ourselves and who we are to others. We’ve made a habit of measuring our worth in the perceptions of our peers, gauging how cool or funny or fashionable we are based on their opinions. Sometimes, we need to take a step back from all the roles we’re filling in other people’s lives and remember that ultimately, the only obligation we have is to ourselves.
The most obvious — and yet, for that reason, the most unspoken — truth is that our lives belong to us. They are ours to shape and break in as we please, with the possibility of reinvention and fresh starts never too far away. Why, then, would we hold something so valuable to the whims of others? Trends, and the people that create them, come and go faster than ever nowadays and yet we’re still getting whiplash trying to stake a claim in all of them.
Of course, being liked and fitting in feels good. The affection or approval of others is addicting, so much so that the lack of affection or approval can be devastating. What we lose, though, in a performative act to get along with others is worse than not getting along in the first place. There is something unfulfilling about receiving attention when you are not behaving like your actual self. A more important question to ask is not whether or not they like you, but whether or not you like yourself.
An important lesson I learned in college was that confidence must come from within yourself, not from people’s praise. Compliments are always nice, but they are fleeting, and when you rely on them to boost your self-esteem, you are giving too much control over your emotions to others. That outfit you’re wearing? Or new makeup look you’re trying out? You already know it looks good without anyone having to tell you.
It can be hard to overcome the ideas of what your family or friends want you to be, especially if they clash with who you know you are inside, but I believe doing so is the key to living a genuine life. At the end of the day, your life is yours only and should be spent doing the things you love. Always stay true to yourself and trust that the right people and opportunities will fall into place when you do.