The butterflies in your stomach, the security felt knowing you have “your person” and the innocent love are all very true aspects of your first love. Like many of us, I have had my first love, but that first love also led to my first heartbreak. If I could describe the pain I felt back then in words, I would, but honestly, it was one of the worst emotional pains I have ever felt. It took a long time for me to get back on my feet, and upon reflection, I realized I owe my ex, my first true love, a long thank you. He taught me that the pain is normal, he taught me I can be loved, and he taught me everything I need to know for my future relationship. As cliche as it sounds, everything does happen for a reason, and I feel nothing but gratitude for my past experience.
You broke my heart and shattered it in a million little pieces. The day it happened, I wanted to be in nothingness. I felt nothing, was in shock, and as morbid as it sounds, I wanted to cease to exist. Months later, the pain and suffering continued. My school life, friendships and family life all crumbled because you were a continuous thought in my mind. The sad truth was that I still loved you. I wanted you, I craved you like never before and I wondered if I would ever get back on my feet.
I did. I got back on my feet, I recovered, and I learned to love myself more than I ever loved you.
Thank you for the pain. Thank you for the suffering. Thank you for teaching me how to be loved. Thank you for raising my standards. Thank you for teaching me how to prioritize myself without being too consumed by another person. Thank you, thank you and a million more times, thank you. My journey of heartbreak was long and exhausting, but it made me a better person. Because of you, I am more self sufficient, I am independent and I know my worth. You taught me that through the hurt, there was something on the other side, and the hurt was worth it because you were worth it. I don’t regret any time we spent together, and I will forever cherish the time we had because it was something special. It was something most people my age have yet to experience. It was simply beautiful.
I am with someone new now, and I am adjusting. Little did I know your impact is still present, even though I am falling head over heels for someone else. I won’t repeat the mistakes I made with you because I too was flawed as a girlfriend, and I regret many things I said and I did. I will not make those mistakes with him. I do have to battle through my trust issues and new insecurities, but I will persist among it all because I have experienced the worst – the heartbreak you gave me. Thank you, and I wish you nothing but the best, and the next girl who is with you is a lucky, lucky girl. She better treat you right.